Michelle Atencion 

And I found myself doing that throughout my life just kind of brushing things under the rug and taking care of everyone else. Ask a lot of people why they do the work they do and like, oh, I want to help people. Well, I mean, yeah, but helping people does help me and I had to figure out what that was. But then also, when you do too much of that you tend to not know how to help yourself.

Paul Meunier 

Hello, I'm Paul Meunier, the executive director of the Youth Intervention Programs Association. And I'm a youth worker at heart. How lucky am I, I have the privilege to meet youth workers from around the globe and learn their stories and share them with the entire world. I'm glad you're listening because together we'll learn how their life experiences shaped their youth work. As you listen, I encourage you to consider how your experiences shape what you have to offer young people. Welcome to this edition of The Passionate Youth Worker. Hi, everybody. For this episode, we're joined by Michelle Atencion from San Francisco in the United States. She is the data coordinator for Larkin Street Youth Services, an organization working to end youth homelessness. Michelle is a fun and deep person who is known as the Beyonce of her department at Larkin Street. Michelle, thanks for being a guest on the podcast.

Michelle Atencion 

Thank you so much for having me. Yeah, Beyonce. I'm also called the the hype woman of Larkin Street. So...

Paul Meunier 

Wow, so you already have a couple different titles and we haven't got started yet. Well, let's get going. Why do they call you the hype person of Larkin Street or Beyonce? What is that all about?

Michelle Atencion 

Gosh, through not just 2020, but working to end youth homelessness, I'm working in the Tenderloin in San Francisco. There's a lot of youth that we are working with, and staff. We're all coming with trauma, generational trauma, just every day, our cups can be overflowing. Just now actually, I just do a Friday dance break where I send I BCC all the staff, I'm trying to be very mindful of people not getting 100 emails a day, but just you know, with different messages, like be kind to yourself, you know, like, wooohooo, like, you know, it's about it's Friday dance break. And but also, with that comes the same energy, coming to work, you know, trying to leave whatever is going on with myself at the door, you know, just really focusing on what's going on with the youth so that I can be an empty vessel and be able to work with the youth, the staff, just building relationships. Almost always highly motivated and full of energy without coffee. Without coffee without coffee. I mean, I look at it, like you know, if you have a baseline, like my baseline for, for happiness is here. So when I get a little bit like things aren't going well, and it comes down here, I find the right coping skills to get back up and like I walk in, I'll be like, Hey everybody! I kind of sound like Mickey Mouse, sorry, but hey, everybody, and everyone's just like, uhhhh it's Monday. And I'm like, Yeah, okay. And I don't push it on anybody. It's just I think some people might say infectious or contagious or whatever. So...

Paul Meunier 

Yeah, I get it so Beyonce's full energy, the hype person

Michelle Atencion 

out there on stage, like,

Paul Meunier 

Yeah. Do you ever dance around or is it just theoretical?

Michelle Atencion 

Oh no, we dance around a little bit. I might be known of doing like a 10am stretch, like across the board also and in different departments. And so you just get up and you play a song and everyone stretches and it turns into like a little like, shake out your body, put your right leg in, put your right leg out type thing. Yeah, get back to business.

Paul Meunier 

Yeah, you must be fun to work with.

Michelle Atencion 

Thanks.

Paul Meunier 

Have you always been known as that kind of person? I mean, think back when you were younger, did you always bring that energy? Were you always the hype person in school and in your family? Or is this something that you just as a trait that you bring to work?

Michelle Atencion 

Yeah, a little Beyonce a little. Um, I believe that that is who I am to my core. I want to believe that it's innate. But it took a lot of trial and error, a lot of pain, a lot of darkness, a lot of different careers. I mean, well within social work, but a lot of different demographics, to be able to take that empathy, and check in with yourself so that it doesn't turn into sympathy, which is it's okay. But, you know, I'm not feeling sorry for anyone because we all have our different stations in life. And so growing up and even until this day, I will say I'm a happy depressed person. And you know, there's a lot of stigma around mental health. You're gonna be like, What do you mean you're depressed? Well, it's just like life throws a lot of curves at you. I just was trying to build, I don't know, really, I guess a plethora of tools in a toolbox. So to be able to manage these things at all different times. I used to like to explain myself when I was even younger that I would be the first person to talk to you at a bus stop. Like, I used to take public transportation when I lived in the peninsula, which is a little further down past San Francisco, and the buses ran on our main street. I would, I would talk to people on the bus or at the bus stop. It would be about anything and everything. Just engaging people. Yeah. A little Hi, how are you? Could be the first Hi, how are you they've gotten that didn't have an agenda behind it. But that I was just trying to bring brightness, to bring a little ayh to the day. Yeah, I was gonna I was like, let's not let's not beat the Beyonce. But I was like, Yeah, you got it a little? Yeah.

Paul Meunier 

Got it. So you describe yourself as a happy depressed person, is that what you said?

Michelle Atencion 

Ah I knew you'd catch that.

Paul Meunier 

You know the um those are two contradictory terms but I think I understand what you mean. But can you talk a little bit more? How did those two conflicting terms come into one? What does that mean to be a happy depressed person? Are you just chronically kind of down but you allow yourself to and you kind of bring yourself up or?

Michelle Atencion 

I think. I mean, good question. I think, you know, it always comes down to like, are you an introvert, are you're an extrovert type thing. And we coin lots of different terms and phrases, but there's just this middle ground. To be able to understand that with pain, you know, there is darkness, there is light. And when I say depressed, like no, it was not, I wouldn't say that I had to be diagnosed. But I have felt like an overwhelming need to cry. It's like an emotional zone of tolerance where if you're not dealing with your emotions, you're find, sort of coping skills, you're finding avoidance coping skills, ways to not feel and when you do that, through like a lot of different irrational things like justifying what your issues are or over-sexualized behavior, these types of things, you can go into a stage where if you're avoiding it for so long, you can become almost catatonic numb. And I found myself doing that throughout my life. Just kind of brushing things under the rug and taking care of everyone else. Ask a lot of people why they do the work they do and like, oh, I want to help people. Well, I mean, yeah, but helping people does help me and I had to figure out what that was. But then also, when you do too much of that, you tend to not know how to help yourself. So I would find myself confused and not understanding like my own beliefs and morals and values. And so that would create a depression to feel not a part of your peers. Go to a birthday party and you'd find me like, playing some games with like, 10 kids, instead of out in the living room, having adult conversation. I just wasn't feeling as connected throughout the different times of my life. And now when I say happy depressed, it's because I am fully this bubbly, this motivated. Yeah, I like tea, I like a little iced coffee from Starbucks. But I mean, I just will show up just full of energy, because I've set it all down the night before. You know, I've self-reflected, I went over a few things in my mind, didn't want to go numb, but would shut off around a certain time and be like, okay, you know, I can't help that client right now. I'm off, you know, and I've spoke to them, I will deal with it when I clock in tomorrow at eight in the morning. Just really having to teach yourself boundaries. And that's what's helped me be in the middle. And even being able to accept that maybe I don't see it as being depressed as much. It's just the term that I've used. Because I think it really creates an impact, just like what we're talking with you now they're like happy depressed. What do you mean? With the world that we live in today and having to really respect like, the LGBT community and understanding like, what they/them means, like, happy depressed is how I identify. And whether you see that or not, I took a lot of work for me to to be Hey, you know, it's not like I'm just crying right before we turn the camera on. But I can do it because I know, for me crying is healing. And I'm not, you know, I'm not as scared to just emote. If that's the right word. Yeah,

Paul Meunier 

I think I get it. We all have those extremes of emotions, right? We've all gone through trauma in one facet or another. It looks different for everybody, the severity of it is different for everybody. But to be able to experience that and bring that into yourself and to be okay with that means that you're going to have periods where they feel it feels more dark than others. But yet we all have wonderful memories and wonderful experiences as well, too. And so it's about combining those two together to be a whole person. Is that right? Because I think of you as we were getting to know each other. You're just a deep person, you think on a very deep level. Yeah, I'm trying to understand that on a very simple level. But it is it's about I think feeling that whole range of emotions and being okay with it and embracing them no matter what they are.

Michelle Atencion 

Yeah, I would say that's a safe assessment. It's the whole thing of like being an empath people say or, you know, just absorbing energy, absorbing the other like feelings that are around you and understanding and truly understanding that none of us really have an idea of what anyone's going through or been through. You know, we both clock in, I see you in the office, like at eight in the morning. Like, I don't know that maybe you just got an argument with somebody right before you walked in. Or perhaps you're feeling overwhelmed with your charting or, or you know, you wanted a promotion, you didn't get it or someone in your family is sick. Like there's all these things going on. And then we show up, we suit up. It's important, again, with the burnout part portion of it to understand what's going on. So like, even to understand your triggers, so that you're able to like, again, come to not just work but to to be present.

Paul Meunier 

Yeah, I think that's very thoughtful. That's very insightful. What was your childhood like, Michelle?

Michelle Atencion 

Oh, my gosh, it was fab It was fabulous. no issues at all. Perfect. It was the best. When I have had this question asked to me or have analyzed it, because I watched an analyzer before until I could start compartmentalizing what was what and where was what. I never wanted for anything. I don't think I knew that we were maybe middle class or, or less than middle class. I also think I came from a, my friend, she helped me with the statement the other day, an era where you don't see color, a non- seeing color era where like, possibly people can look at me and be like, Oh, she must be Hispanic, or she's this or that. And I could it might sound funny I sometimes can say I identify with a white person like, and by that I mean, I don't again, I can't assume I know what any different culture goes through. But my stepdad who is my dad raised me since I was three. And so we grew up in the suburbs. There was a lot of different things going on in the family, you know, with codependency, addiction, different things like that just weaved its way through the home and through life and some other outside things that affected my siblings. But growing up, I was my mom's right-hand person. I felt like I lost a little bit of my childhood by taking care of four siblings underneath me. But I also soared right to the top of every preschool that I worked at, or in-house child daycare, or maybe got jobs at schools that I didn't even have the background to do yet, when I was only like 18, 19 because I had that on-hand experience. I think it makes sense that at a young age, I was able to look at why what was what rather than be like, Oh my gosh, woe was me, my life sucked. And understand that even when there's like conflict, you can see everyone has a story. If someone's not getting along with their parents, you have like a mom-daughter issue or daddy issues, which is always a reoccurring theme, even working with young men like ages 16 to be like daddy issues always seems to come up. Just knowing these are reoccurring themes for everyone. I just been through enough in a lot. And I still have so much more to learn. But everyone's childhood really does shape them. It just depends what you want to do with that.

Paul Meunier 

Thank you for sharing that about your childhood. And it makes sense. I think it kind of understand how you are the way you are, you're kind of upfront, you're a leader and you take things, you just run with them, it seems like. How has your childhood and your experiences in your life so far influenced your work with young people? What kind of skills do you bring that you learned throughout your life?

Michelle Atencion 

Definitely empathy. Understanding. Not having to know exactly where you've been to be able to just accept you and meet the client where they're at. And be able to find like, just really being understanding of all the different scenarios and solutions that not everyone is comes with a manual. So you know, you might be able to work with three young people and be like, Oh, awesome, we got this, you know, we're doing life skills, we're helping them get jobs, and then you meet one who happens to just take more of your attention who's like, doesn't read very well or has been hurt and nobody sees it because they seem so tough. I resonate with that. I can mirror that. Being really sensitive or being really strong, like you said. You know, that's why I gotta cry a little bit more, just to get it all out. And just, I think it really feels good to feel like you know, you don't have to have all the answers. But you're able to work as a team or work as a network, as a community, especially with YIPA. Just getting all these people together and talking. You know, we're all learning from our experiences. And my childhood has just taught me I mean, even today just it's taught me to accept people for who they are. I think I might have shared this when we were getting to know each other. One of my first jobs when I was an alcohol and drug counselor was nobody wanted to go to this young program with sexual offenders. And you know, young people you just like 12 to 17 and I was like, what? They were here to teach them the skills. I mean, everybody deserves it, but obviously some people had been hurt in the past, it was triggering things. And aside from my own experiences, nothing too intense and maybe that's why I could be objective. But I just know that we all deserve a chance to learn a new skill. I remembered then it wasn't about being numb, or that I could do anything or I could work with anyone. It was just that I was accepting. I was meeting the client where they were at. Yeah, I can see that in you. And I can imagine that you are really good at building relationships with people and accepting them for who they are. And that's so needed with the young people, that trusting caring relationship, especially if we're talking about young people who are experiencing homelessness. They have a lot of reasons maybe to be skeptical of adults in their world, and somehow you must connect with them really well. And but you know, now you're doing data collection, do you miss directly working with young people? What is amazing coming out of that, so even when I was interviewing for that position, I had four people interviewing me, and they all kind of got a little quiet. And I was like to have a question. I was like, Yeah, I go. Are any of you wondering like, is Michelle gonna miss the kids? Are any of you wondering are you like are you sure she she should change and make the shift. And a couple of them giggled, and one of them was like, you know, just still kind of getting to know me, but they were like, Yeah, we kind of had that in the back of our minds. And so what it's done for me is I'm trying, I have been, like, other people are like, I did this in 2020, I learned a new language I learned, I learned, you know, how to cook or whatever. I worked on finding me, who I was before a previous time in my life where I lost who I was. So for me, by choosing to do this meant that I wanted to start using my constructive side of my brain like, like, you know, you're working from, your front-facing, it's amazing, you're working with programs, you're helping create, you're recruiting, you're doing events. And then now I want to come from the back end, and learn a little bit more about how you know, the funders work, you know, we can continue to get the staff trained on the things like they're doing all the amazing work now that we that I was once a part of. But they're out there, and we're going to continue to help them and always be there to support them when they need to learn how to chart something so that they can show the funders through our reporting that they're doing all this amazing work. Because the youth are not a number, but the money comes from somewhere and we want to be able to continue to get that money. And by continuing to get the money, we got to show what we're doing. And we want to make so we're just kind of like performance management is what I just decided to change my name. Like they're doing all the amazing work, we're just kind of like, don't forget you this this one. Remember, this one this is doing this is due at this time. And just you know, like with like little funny, like little emojis and like, you know, little dance breaks, it's, it's been a nice change. Well, they thought and they believe that I am a great fit because of the relationships I've already built with staff and clients. But the best part of it is it has awakened and opened in me time to do this podcast. I have been part of some pop-up events here in town and surrounding areas. And I got back into nannying 'cause I nannied for like 20 families for like 20 years when I was in Sacramento. And so now like I nannied at a pop-up event. I literally had my dog and three kids and chucking them along at this big pop-up event. And for a short time, like I was like, Oh, that was one of them go you know what I mean? I was everywhere. But like the energy I now have before I was like my hip hurts. Or you know, I just got to commuting for two hours back and forth. Now I've got all the time in the world.

Paul Meunier 

Oh, that's great.

Michelle Atencion 

Now I'm a part of all these different events. Like we had the Black Joy parade in Oakland. I was at the very front center with the you know, signs and on TV and looking forward to we have the wellness and mental health day coming up. I have the flexibility to be a part of those things now.

Paul Meunier 

That's great. Yeah, it's hard to believe we have to take a break already. But when we come back, I want to talk to you a little bit more about your youth work in particular, so we'll be right back.

Jade Schleif 

No matter how you support our young people, The Professional Youth Worker powered by YIPA has your training and learning needs covered. Visit training.yipa.org. That's training.yipa.org to see for yourself and then join the 1000s of youth workers around the globe who learn from our easy-to-access exceptional trainings. From our blogs to our podcast, The Professional Youth Worker is your go-to resource for tools to help you keep going, keep learning, and keep growing. Members enjoy free unlimited access to live online and on demand trainings, and a preferred discount pricing for our one-of-a-kind certificate course. Annual memberships are ridiculously affordable for individuals and organizations. Visit training.yipa.org today to learn more. That's training.yipa.org.

Paul Meunier 

Right before the break I mentioned I'd like to talk a little bit more about your work with young people. Is there one thing you can think of that you accomplished while working with young people that you're really particularly proud of?

Michelle Atencion 

So many come to mind, honestly. I like to think presently but if I can look over time, in the different young people I worked with, I feel like what was really challenging is during like, I would say, around the 2010 or 11 years, I was working in a high school in San Joaquin district. And I was responsible for three high schools out there. And something that was running rampant was, you know, the sex trafficking and human trafficking. And I would was looking at this one particular continuation school and I had a young person come in, and just the way that they explained what was going on for them, like, you know, I recall having like school, school crushes, and holding hands and skipping through the park. This young person was like, thinking they were gonna have that, you know, in middle school, and found out that their significant other wanted to pimp them. And so it's like, I really kind of got into motion and was like, Okay, we really need to create some kind of groups to teach them self-worth, self-confidence, try to get back their power, you know, and so me and a couple of these young people, we created a little bit of a curriculum together. Just something that could work for that type of mentality, because I was getting nervous about what those young people would look like, in 10, 20 years, raising families and being out here in the community without being extremely jaded. I know, we all have trauma, but this is just like really intense. Like, you got some developmental stages here that are gone. Like you can't even say you might be able to say what a high school sweetheart is. Because your high school sweetheart, you know what I mean, like, locked you in a hotel room, and you meet with different men. So that was like the challenging part of the work. But it was brought a lot of collaboration together. And it was really nice to be able to work with the actual young people because it was coming from and so they were learning and understanding, like their emotions and what they were lacking. And we know we all have these like basic needs and what they were lacking was love and belonging, and how to get that need met. They were trying to get that need met in any way. And sometimes just to get love, you'll do whatever. I thought that I was doing some really good work. And I guess I say I thought because you know, you can't help but just hold it really deep inside, like, oh, I messed up. But I remember the parent came looking and I couldn't talk to the parent because I didn't have the release of info. But I know that they spoke to the principal at the time found out that this young person had ran away and went back to the person. They I think eventually when I spoke to another one of the staff members like the next year, I wasn't at that school, but I heard they had came back. Got the okay to go back and chat with them. I started doing like all girls like after school group. And with all of that I felt that just continuing to be there, being consistent. You know, it was really hard. Because, you know, sometimes the young people might be like, what is all this choice theory stuff you're trying to teach me? What do you mean, I matter, you don't matter what, or I count, you count, like, I'm sorry, as I count, you count, they didn't get a lot of these attitudes and behaviors curriculum, we were trying to teach and look at different things they were doing. But they knew that I would keep coming. And so I learned a big lesson that consistency builds trust. And I had to incorporate that into my own life to know that every day, take a walk at a certain time that, yeah, it's gonna get the whole exercise and losing weight thing, but it's going to get your heart pumping, it's going to get sunlight and movement, and just being able to be there and work with them and work with the young person who, basically, help them to help themselves.

Paul Meunier 

Yeah, that's something definitely to be proud of, to be consistently there for them, reliably there for them is what they need maybe more than anything else. So good, good for you for doing that. What do you think the most challenging thing about being a youth worker is?

Michelle Atencion 

Gosh, um definitely like, what I was just sharing, like, the not knowing. The feeling like, could I do everything I could? Or could I have stayed a little longer that one session, or maybe I should have done this activity, given them homework, like there's been a lot of times like that. But the biggest challenge, even today is just the resources. Where the funding is going, where the money is going, like, you know, we want to end homelessness, and there's a lot going on there. But like you know, even with addiction, like a lot, you can get better in many ways. It's not just a rehab, you know, actual actual facility. I mean, it could be like a good job, it could be going back to school. So just continuing to have these relationships with other organizations and work with each other to maybe build more programs out. When I worked in Sacramento, there was a little bit more I notice because we were in the high schools and in the middle schools like teaching this different type of curriculum on behavior modification, and I know that there's agencies like that here in San Francisco and surrounding areas. I can only speak for where I currently am and they are, they're working, they're working towards even they've just started a harm reduction program, so we are there, we're serving the need. It's just challenging to kind of see a young person go through what I went through in my 20s.You want to do so much. There was, I forget the name of the exact movie, but it's like this Lego Movie, Will Ferrell at the end you, I hope I don't ruin it for everyone but at the end - spoiler alert - at the end, it's Will Ferrell playing with these Legos and he's moving the pieces around. And if you look at that, like in our lives, sometimes you'll never know the reason why maybe you like maybe you weren't bullied anymore. And let's just say, because somebody came through and let you use their address and let you move to a different district or, I mean, that's just one example. But you know, there's different people come into our lives and great people you can trust them, people you can look up to. Because you have no idea. Like a young person doesn't even know that they'll meet you in a session and like randomly, I'll have someone in like a session will be like, I just got caught drinking at the football game. I don't know why it's a big deal. But then you come to find out that there's so much challenges in their life. And then they see someone like me, just bubbly, caring, and they'll be like, okay, there are people out here in the world that care about me, I'm just, you know, trapped in my world out here in the street, and I don't realize it. So, I mean, it's funny to say like, I need them to get in trouble so they can come find us. You know, I mean that need. It's just challenging to see them go through these struggles. And because of their trauma, being misunderstood, or whether it's the transgender, not understanding their identity and or understanding it but no one else is. Like, it's challenging just to see them struggle with trying to find out who they are.

Paul Meunier 

But you've done so much and worked with so many different young people in different capacities. Did you know you always wanted to be a youth worker? Is this I mean, was this a given destination point for you, do you think, looking back?

Michelle Atencion  

That's a good question too. I was watching something where someone goes, if you weren't a so-and-so what would you have been? I answered that question while that while the TV was asking the question, and this is it. Like I mean, of course, I love to sing I love to dance, like, I love to, like, maybe create events, like not decorate them so much. But like, you know, bring people together. Yeah, like, yeah, I like to organize. I'm a very good networker. I like to kind of, you know, check things off the list and confirm that things are working well, like the little cleanup instead of group type thing. Yes, I mean, and I don't think like, Oh, if my mom wouldn't have had, you know, my siblings, like, would I have went a different way. But I'm doing everything that I get involved in, it's I'm bringing the same type of energy. So even washing dishes is an exciting thing. If that makes sense. Like I'm not saying I was gonna be a dishwasher, but if I had to be I'd wash you know, all the plates first. All the forks and stacking together like I really kind of I don't know if it's like a, some kind of like little like on the spectrum type thing. But working with youth is just giving back to the misunderstood. Like everything I learned as an alcohol and drug counselor, even up until now, I wanted to go back to like, kindergarten and first grade and teach them coping skills. Now again, coping skills are just, it's just two words, but you got to give them meaning. Teach a five-year-old how to deep breathe. So whenever they're struggling with something like, it may not solve everything. Maybe their parents are still getting divorced. Maybe someone abandoned them. All of that still happening. We’re all human. But it's like teaching them to be like Oh, you know what I mean, just that that feeling you get like just to be able to reassess. Teach a young person how to ground themselves. Yeah, I feel like um, I had a little bit of a hot temper in middle school. So I think we want to catch them young not wait till they're in trouble and looking in the mirror going, Oh, my gosh, I'm clear. Like someone be like, Oh my god, I'm 35. No one could tell me what to do that type thing. And it's like, you know, they they missed out. So it would be harder.

Paul Meunier 

Yeah, it's hard to believe we're at the end of our time together already. You have so many stories and so many little interesting things to share. And I'm so grateful that you chose youth work and decided to support young people, and helping them find their way in this world. Because I think you bring such a unique perspective and so much energy and so much enthusiasm. And this kind of deep thing about a happy depressed person. I think you gotta be just wonderful with young people. So thank you for the work that you're doing.

Michelle Atencion 

Thank you.

Paul Meunier 

Before we go, though, Michelle, I would like to give you the last word and ask you what words of wisdom or inspiration would you like to leave with the listeners?

Michelle Atencion 

So the statement I have is like my go-to, and it's you can only take your client as far as you're willing to go. And I want to make that bigger here and say, you know I want it to be more personal, you know, you gotta be able to bring it into your own life if you want it to work, not just your nine to five life. You just really kind of say, you know, you're, you can only take yourself as far as you're willing to go. And by that I mean accepting of yourself, understanding yourself, the triggers that you go through the trauma. Understanding that it's trauma and just loving yourself, being kind to yourself. Yeah.

Paul Meunier 

If you would like to share your passion for youth work, we'd love to spotlight you as a guest. If you have feedback about the show, please let us know. Just visit training.yipa.org That's training.yipa.org and click on the podcast tab. This podcast is made possible in part due to a generous contribution from M Health Fairview. I'm your host Paul Meunier. Thanks for listening to The Passionate Youth Worker.