Brian Andrews 

The social worker ended up coming to me and saying, Brian, your son needs to come with us. And I'm, what for, why? Well, you're gonna go to jail and I'm continuing to try to lie. One more lie, one more lie. And she said, here's the deal. Your son will remember this day one of two ways. You have the power to control that. One is it's going to be hard, but you can try to make it as easy for him as we can. And the other way is we'll pull him out of your arms, causing an even deeper trauma.

Paul Meunier 

Hello, I'm Paul Meunier, the executive director of the Youth Intervention Programs Association. And I'm a youth worker at heart. How lucky am I, I have the privilege to meet youth workers from around the globe and learn their stories and share them with the entire world. I'm glad you're listening because together we'll learn how their life experiences shaped their youth work. As you listen, I encourage you to consider how your experiences shape what you have to offer young people. Welcome to this edition of The Passionate Youth Worker. Hi, everybody. For this episode, we're joined by Brian Andrews from Minnesota in the United States. Brian is the executive director of the Lakes Area Restorative Justice Project. He is committed to telling his life story in hopes that it will inspire others to find their own personal worth and value. Brian, it's great to have you as a guest on the podcast.

Brian Andrews 

Thank you very much. It's really an honor to be a part of this process.

Paul Meunier 

That's cool, Brian. I've interviewed over 50 incredible people for the show and everyone has a unique story about how they got into youth work and developed their passion for it. But you were drawn into the field in a way that is just so different. You literally had a dream about this. Can you talk about the importance of that one dream?

Brian Andrews 

Yeah, absolutely. It changed the course of my entire life. It's like every other night, I went to bed, followed my routine and in my dream it was almost like I was in a waking dream. And in that dream, I seen this huge fire, the size of a community, and the community members standing around the fire, trying to put out this fire with garden hoses. And then I seen also all the way around were conveyor belts dropping on brand new pieces of wood, keeping the fire going, no matter how hard everybody was trying. And then it shifted into moving me through different sections of the dream where I was connecting and collaborating. And then all of a sudden, I seen the youth of our community. And that dream just really resonated with me that there's so much going on in the world today. There's so many changes that everyone desires. But I had just this clarity that morning when I woke up. If we want to see the change that all of us desire, it's going to start with working with the youth. It literally birthed this new desire in me to take all of my life experiences, good, bad, and indifferent, and be able to use those to try to help the youth find their path.

Paul Meunier 

Wow, that's quite a story. And when you woke up, you had this clarity, you kind of had your mission in front of you, what you needed to do. What did you do? Who did you tell? How did you go about making this change?

Brian Andrews 

Wow. How ironic that person in your dream, you'd be sitting next to them a couple of days later.  Yeah, absolutely. So the first thing I did is I woke my wife up because it was felt like a supernatural dream. And I wanted her to know about this dream. And I wrote it down in a journal. Actually, I went around, I told everybody about that dream. Three days later, I'm at a conference in our community. And one of the people that was in the dream was was our county's social service agency. And at this conference that I was attending three days later, I ended up being placed in a seat right beside the manager of the Crow Wing County Social Services. And that was actually the first step in walking this out where I shared my dream with her. And that I believe that you know, I have a desire to collaborate and impact our community together in a positive way.  Yeah, that was just the way it was. It was really, I knew that it's my next step. It was in the journey of discovering my own personal worth and value coming from my my background in addiction and, and that I was still making that transition out of who I thought I was and and who I actually was.

Paul Meunier 

Brian, I know that the years 2009 through 2014 were tough years for you. Can you talk about what happened during those years?

Brian Andrews 

I had had several years of sobriety under my belt. I lost I call I got self-focused and I had my own agenda going in life. And in the process, I stopped doing all the things that helped me be healthy for me, you know, going to meetings and, and living a healthy lifestyle. And in 2009, we ended up losing our house and the mortgage crisis, and then a slip back into addiction, right. And I always had these thresholds. As long as this is done, I'm not that bad, as long as this is done. And it literally, it brought me down another level. Every time I walked through one of those level changes, where as long as I'm not doing this, I'm not as bad as that other person. But I kept stepping down deeper and deeper and deeper. You know, in that process, there was a time I was dying in the hospital over an infection. And I still couldn't quit. Three weeks after that, my wife overdoses, and I still couldn't quit. In the meantime, you know, you pull away from all the people that are so important or care about you. You're isolated, you feel alone, hopeless, and helpless. For me, it was that one last thing, as long as all these things are done, as long as I have custody, my children, I'm doing okay. And then in 2014 there was a knock at the door because things weren't okay. I had crossed into a spot where we weren't living, we were existing, and that I needed help. But I couldn't help myself. So, I needed to be helped. And for me in my addiction, once I start, I can't stop. And so, the only way for me to stop is to be stopped. And that day in in 2014, the police department showed up to help me with that stopping process.

Paul Meunier 

Did they take custody of some of your children?

Brian Andrews 

Yeah, they did. For me, if a pain isn't isn't enough to really see the problem that you have, you're not going to change. And that day as I had my son sitting on my lap, looking around at the chaos of my life, with social workers, law enforcement, probation, everybody's filling up this house and, and they're shaking their head, because what they see is just overwhelmingly awful. The social worker ended up coming to me and saying, Ryan, your son needs to come with us. And I'm, what for, why? Well, you're gonna go to jail. And I continuing to try to lie, one more lie, one more lie. And she said, here's the deal, your son will remember this day one of two ways and you have the power to control that. One is it's going to be hard, but you can try to make it as easy for him as you can. And the other way is we'll pull him out of your arms, causing an even deeper trauma. And I knew she was right. And I remember the pain. Every time I tell the story I can literally see, smell, and experience what was going on that day. And at that moment I knew that my choices were creating problems in the closest people to me. And so I handed him off and and he kicked and screamed and cried for me. Although I questioned, why would you do that for me for where I was at. That lit a fire inside me for wanting to change. Because the pain I had and being able to see firsthand that what I had done had caused the problems that he's experiencing now. And knowing that my other kids are going to have to experience the same thing later that day, getting pulled out of their classroom. And yeah, it was a pretty painful experience.

Paul Meunier 

And I know you have been busy the past few years just telling your story as much as you can so others can learn from it and others can grow from it. And I'd like to find out a little bit more about that. But I'd like to backup into your childhood or your earlier years of adulthood. How did you get to where you started using and eventually getting this level of addiction where it turned out so traumatic?

Brian Andrews 

Growing up, we were anti-drugs, drugs weren't a part of my life. Alcohol was definitely something that was around often. My dad owned a bar. When when I would do good in school, the reward was to go to the bar and get pizza and play video games. Today. I'm looking at that saying that seems like a backwards way of celebrating success. But that was my childhood. Going around and experiencing alcohol. So, I started experimenting with alcohol when I was around eight years old. And it continued a little more and a little more and a little more. The big shift in my life was in August of 1994. In August 1994 My brother and I had been out shooting clay pigeons. And my dad had asked me to help him at the bar to do a project they were working on. And I told him I already had plans with my brother but I'd help when I got back. And later that day, when we were finished up, we came back and as we were about to leave his house, because we were dropping off the clay pigeons over there. As we were about to leave the house that day, two cars came up to us, and jumped out of the vehicle and told us, we need to hurry up and get to the hospital. And something happened to my dad. When I got in there, and I seen all the people that I knew and found out that my dad had a heart attack. In a short order, I found out that his heart attack was result from drug use and alcoholism. And the lifestyle in general that ended up making his heart explode at age 39. When I learned that, my friends and I, we made a pact, we're never ever going to use drugs. As an adult, I've really looked it over and to see where the where the path was that I took astray. The problem was, I put all the street drugs and illegal drugs over here, but I kept alcohol over here in the safe space. So, we continue to drink in that ninth-grade year while in a fish house somebody came out there and needed gas money. To my desire inside of me, I've always been a helper, I've always wanted to help people. And so this guy shows up while we'd been drinking and fishing, and he needed gas money for his snowmobile. We didn't want to just give him money. But he said, I'll give you I'll give you a nickel bag when I didn't have a clue what that meant. What it was, is $5 worth of marijuana. And so we made a decision as a group that day to break our pact, and give them the $5. And we smoked that marijuana for the first time. That set me on the path. I ended up breaking that pact but it was a moral pact with myself as well. When I stepped across that line of what I knew was right and what I knew was wrong. In no time at all, I got introduced to this person, I got introduced to another person. And I got introduced to another person from 15 to 17. I'm now hanging out with a new group of people. And again, I'm asked by somebody in the room that needed help can I borrow $25? I'm like, yeah, absolutely what for what's up, and he's like, I'll share it with you when I get back. I'm like, alright, give him $25. And he ends up coming back about 45 minutes later, and walks into the apartment. He says come with me into the bathroom. And I'm like, what do we need to go to the bathroom for? You know, people are drinking and they're smoking in the room. So, it wasn't like we needed to go hide. And he said, Just come with me. And so, I ended up going into the bathroom. And he takes a pink handheld mirror out and sets it on the edge of the sink. And I remember thinking what's about to happen. And then he took a paper bindle and he dumped this white powder out on the mirror. When I'm telling my story to the school or different groups, I ask them how many in the room have been scared, somebody jumped out and scared you. And they scared you so much that it felt like ice dripping down your spine? And a lot of people raise your hand, yeah, I can relate to that. That was the feeling I had when I seen that on the mirror that day. But the next question I had is growing up for me. I had a dad that had a lot of broken promises, and said we do this or do that. And I spent a lot of time on the phone trying to just talk to him. He wasn't available. What was so important in his life that I came second? It must have been something amazing. And I made the decision that day to snort what ended up being a line of cocaine. And literally waiting for something to happen, nothing happened. And I gave the guy another $25 because I was frustrated with breaking the biggest pact I ever had with myself because this is the to me, this is the end-all, right? I crossed all the way to the end zone. And the next time I ended up getting high it was like a roller coaster ride straight into the pit of the fire. My addiction went from very little to over $1,000 a day just to support my habit and legal troubles and really lost who I am today. Who people get to see today, that had been lost for a lot of years.

Paul Meunier 

That's quite a journey. Absolutely interesting story at the very least and traumatic at the most. You've done such a good job of taking that life experience and all those trials and tribulations you went through to a point where your child was taken away from you to turn that into something positive. How did you get straight then? Was it just the fact that you had hit rock bottom, the things we hear about having your child taken, was that just enough to say I'm never going to do this again?

Brian Andrews 

I wasn't quite there yet. I was at a spot ready for change. But all of it coming at you at one time. So, I need to stay clean. I need to go to treatment. I need to try to get my kids back and in that process there's a lot of things that you need to do. Just getting clean from drugs is a task big enough for anybody. But it was a lot more than that. And then a few days late I ended up getting an eviction notice. So then, now we're homeless, and we still have all these things we need to do. I kept falling back into addiction. And then finally, in the midst of trying to get away with another lie, I almost got caught with a fake UA. And in that moment, when I, when I was able to squeeze by, I said, today, I'm done. Today, I'm done rolling the dice. Today, I'm done. Having my kids come second. Today, they're my priority. And everything else will come behind that. And in the process I said you know, maybe I won't get them back. But what I am going to do is I'm going to put one foot in front of the other, and I'm going to head that direction. If I don't end up getting custody back of them, and they want to see did dad try, they will see that dad tried. And that was the fuel in the difficult days, when it would be easier to run the other way than to buckle down and keep moving forward. When we're trying to find a place to rent and 36 times later, everybody says no. It was that hope of being a parent again that kept me moving forward.

Paul Meunier 

I'm grateful that you got to that point in your life because now you're helping other people. We do need to take a short break. When we come back, I'd like to talk about how it is you're turning your story into something positive for other people. So, we'll be right back.

Jade Schleif 

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Paul Meunier 

Brian, right before the break you were talking about what it was that got you to the point where you were ready to make a life-altering change. And now you're working with young people. You're the executive director of an organization specifically designed to work with young people. I'm wondering what fuels your passion for youth work? Where does it come from?

Brian Andrews 

For me, being that person to help guide, encourage, support and inspire people to be all they can be. I want to see change in our community. I had a friend that really just poured into me. His name's Rob. Rob showed up and knocked on the door every single day. Sometimes it was every door and every window, just to make sure that I was doing okay, and kept telling me there's more for you. There's more for you. And then as I started walking this out, more people started coming alongside me and saying, you have something to offer. You could do this, you could be that. I ended up going and getting certified as a peer support specialist. And in that process, the class that I was in sort of telling me all these things about how natural it was for me to do that, and the role playing and everything. I felt like I was being fueled along the way. When I got certified, it was just that next step of being able to see that, you know what I, I am more than my addiction. I was on disability for nine years as well. I wasn't working, I believed that I was a strain on society. I believed that I was a deadbeat dad, I believed that all the lies and all the labels, all the broken identities that I laid on top of myself, was getting shattered by these people that believed in me and spoke life into me. Combined with the dream. I want the youth to be able to see that you are worthy, you are important. You are part of this community and and you matter. Whatever it is that you want to do that you can do it. Being that person to help guide, encourage, support and inspire people to be all they can be. I want to see change in our community. I want to see a change in our state, in our country, and in our world. And to me, that's the number one investment in the youth.

Paul Meunier 

Wow. So, you're helping other people find their worth and their value, which is something that you had to do yourself and figure out there is more to life like Rob was saying to you, there's more out there for you. And now you're just sharing that with other people. And especially when you work with young people, I gotta believe, Brian, you must see young people, almost mimicking some of the mistakes you made. And you would you'd like to help them you'd like to say, stop right now seriously, this isn't going to turn out good. But they're not always going to believe you. They're going to have to learn some of these things on your own. But how do you handle that, Brian, when you see young people dabbling in drugs, or you know, getting drunk at an early age. How do you keep that in focus?

Brian Andrews 

I can only share my experiences, I can try to educate them and give them the information that I did not have, and be able to tell it in a way that can be received by a young person. Not telling them what they can't do. But giving them the information to make a good decision for themselves. It hurts to see the path, you know, because you're like, I can see you're about to walk into a hole, the hole's right there, you're three steps away, you're gonna fall right into it. They won't see it. No, it's not there. I know, a shortcut around it. To just be available to give them all that I can in the moment and just hope and pray that I planted a seed. Maybe they do go in the hole. But when they're ready to climb out, or when they discover that they're in the hole, there's going to be a hand to help them out of there. And to be able to get them pointed on the right path.

Paul Meunier 

Yeah, just even you being able to tell them, they're about ready to walk into the hole. You know what that means. And they might walk into that hole. But maybe they won't fall in so deeply because they were warned about it. And maybe they can see the consequences sooner before it gets to a point where it did with you. I know you have kind of this mental attitude, it's we over me mentality. Yep. What does that mean to you? And why is that so important?

Brian Andrews 

Several years ago, 2009 and before, my life was all about me. Whatever I could get, however, I could get it. it only mattered about me. And that had to get broken. And it did it to the point where I couldn't ask for help. I needed to know everything. And I believed I needed to be perfect. And I believed that if I couldn't do it, then somebody else could do it better. Discovering along the way that for starters, doing things with other people is just a beautiful thing anyway. But the synergy that comes from we over me, you know, you look at the big Clydesdale horses, and one of them and this is just a rough numbers, but one of them could pull 3500 pounds by itself. But two of them together can pull 20,000 pounds. And it's that same thing as a community, we are always going to be stronger than me by myself. More ideas, more creativity, better outcomes. And then everybody having that worth and value along the way that we are part of something greater than us.

Paul Meunier 

That's beautiful. And so often young people don't know that, the value of that, and because they don't know their own worth and their value so they don't see how they can fit into that we perspective. And that's kind of what we do as youth workers, I believe. Do you have a hero? Because I'm listening to you thinking about you've overcome some unbelievable obstacles in your life. And I know, it might feel sometimes like you did it to yourself, I kind of hear that coming through. But nevertheless, it's addiction is a disease. I mean you have battled a disease and now seem to be past that apex and hopefully never going back there again. And I see that as kind of a hero in my eyes. But do you have a hero, somebody you look up, to somebody that you respect and would like to emulate?

Brian Andrews 

Early on in my journey, there was a guy that was mentoring me, he still mentors me, he's he lives in a different state today. When I started, I couldn't even hardly talk to people. I could be in self-help meetings and waiting for the clock to make its trip around. And he started sharing with me that the best and the most beautiful part of this journey is that you get to create who you are. And he says you can look around and see something that you like about somebody and say, I want to add a little bit of that. And oh, I like what he's doing. I'll add a little bit of that. Oh, that feels good when I do that. So, I'm going to add a little bit of that. It's almost like a buffet. And he's taught me so many things about life, but also about the journey of recovery. He always said, You know what? You're just entering into the good, better, and best years of your life. And I was just like, yeah, right. It doesn't feel like it. He was right. Always go a little further. There's always something more. There's always more to learn. But it's always less about us and more about others. It's the growing thing. And he's just really, ultimately poured into me in a way that has allowed me to see things that I wouldn't have seen before.

Paul Meunier 

Seems like a wonderful person. Was he like a sponsor through AA or something?

Brian Andrews 

Yeah, he was he was part of the recovery community. Many years of recovery and able to see it. Been there, done that, knew the path. He could see things differently than a lot of people. And going around him, and feeling like I was important. I thought he might have known me from somewhere the first time I met him, because he made me feel so special. But he made everybody feel special. And that was the first part of me that I added on, is I wanted to make other people feel special, feel welcome, feel like they belong. And as I practiced that, it became a part of me. It's the same with each of the other things that I've added on. It's been a real gift in the journey.

Paul Meunier 

Yeah, you've had to do so much self-reflection, and so much making amends with people and coming to terms with some of the decisions that you made in the midst of your disease kind of being out of control. And you've probably learned a lot. And one of the things about working with young people is we learn a lot from young people. They teach us. They don't let us kind of be phony or fake and they're they're gonna make us face who we are and what we do and make us understand why we say and do the things we do. What have you learned from young people now that you're sober, straight, and helping other people? What have they taught you?

Brian Andrews 

I think the biggest thing is acceptance, acceptance of who I am. You know, when you talk about hero, I speak in the schools to all the seventh graders in the Brainerd school district here. But I've been expanding out to other schools. But in that middle school, I've been speaking for seven years. And in one of the thank you letters that was written to me, the young boy said, that I want to thank you for coming in and being our guest speaker. I usually don't pay attention when guest speakers come in, but you were definitely not a regular guest speaker. I'll give you that. And he said, people should be thanking you. He said, because you've given us a story of hope and opportunity. He says you're as much of a hero as a doctor, a police officer, or a fireman. When he said that, in that letter, like I have, I have it framed up. Because I've seen something through his eyes. I've seen myself in a way that I've never been able to see myself. And it's that innocent when you don't have all the things of society strapped all over you. He just seen me as an individual, and offered a reflection of who he was seeing in me. And it's probably one of the greatest gifts I could have been given.

Paul Meunier 

Wow, that's great. What a powerful thing he gave you. Maybe you didn't realize just how powerful No,

Brian Andrews 

No, I had no clue at the time.

Paul Meunier 

Yeah. Well, and you are a sign of hope for so many people. Anybody listening to this right now that may be struggling with drug and alcohol treatment, or know somebody that is. You're a classic example of how no matter how bad it gets, there always is the better days ahead. And there always is something to look forward to. So, I for one, am super grateful that you have decided to pour yourself into young people and give back in a way that so many of them are going to be able to receive you that may just change your life forever. It's sometimes in youth work, you don't get to measure a negative, you don't know who you saved along the way. But I bet you, Brian, telling your story is going to save a lot of people from going down a path that they wish they would have never gone down if they hadn't heard you. So thank you for doing all you do. And I just have so much awe for you and your ability to fight this disease and get back on track. Also, thank you for being a guest on the podcast, it was wonderful to hear your story. Keep spreading it.

Brian Andrews 

For sure. I really appreciate it. It's always about the one. My mentality is I could do this for for my entire life and if one person has not to go down the path that I went down, then my life was a success. You know, in the hard days, that's what I hold on to. It's not about the hundreds or the 1000s of people. But it's about that one person all of a sudden seeing something that they didn't see before. Same thing for me. I look at the investment that was made in me by the couple of people that seen something more in me, all the exponential impact that they get to have through me and then the people that I get to touch as well. And it's just, it's just really great. It's just really cool.

Paul Meunier 

Well, Brian, I think your life is going to be measured as a success because I can tell you, you are going to save more than one person walking down that road and I bet you you already have so keep going. Before we go though, I'd like to ask you what words of wisdom or inspiration would you like to leave with our listeners?

Brian Andrews 

I live my life on a model. And that is always aim high. If you aim high and miss, it's still better than aiming low and hitting. Dream, the biggest dream that you can dream. Put your goal out there and then head towards it. Even if you don't hit the target, the journey along the way is going to be the most beautiful thing you've experienced. And that's my note for everyone.

Paul Meunier 

If you would like to share your passion for youth work, we'd love to spotlight you as a guest. If you have feedback about the show, please let us know. Just visit training.yipa.org. That's training.yipa.org and click on the podcast tab. This podcast is made possible in part due to a generous contribution from M Health Fairview. I'm your host Paul Meunier. Thanks for listening to The Passionate Youth Worker.