Alyssa Clark 

There's a lot of hope out there for this generation that is seeking real relationships, real authentic connections, and they want it and they're not holding back, which I love. I love that these young people are just doing it. They're so brave. They've seen the past generations and they want to push forward, and they're not afraid to do it. Or if they are afraid, they still just they go do it, which is amazing.

Paul Meunier 

Hello, I'm Paul Meunier, the executive director of the Youth Intervention Programs Association. And I'm a youth worker at heart. How lucky am I, I have the privilege to meet youth workers from around the globe and learn their stories and share them with the entire world. I'm glad you're listening because together we'll learn how their life experiences shape their youth work. As you listen, I encourage you to consider how your experiences shape what you have to offer young people. Welcome to this edition of The Passionate Youth Worker. Hi, everybody. For this episode, we're joined by Alyssa Clark from California, in the United States. Alyssa has taken her life experiences and turned them into her career. Her journey into youth work started by directly supporting young people as a life coach. And today, she's a Youth Programs Manager for Elevate Youth Services. And she now teaches other life coaches about the art and science of supporting young people in school settings. She's kind of more of an introverted person. But she's stepping out of her comfort zone to tell her story as a personal growth experience and self-reflection. Alyssa, thanks for being a guest on The Passionate Youth Worker podcast.

Alyssa Clark 

Yeah, thanks for having me.

Paul Meunier 

You bet. Alyssa, you describe yourself as a helper, someone who likes to give support to others. And you mentioned how important this is to you because you didn't have that type of support when you were growing up. Can you please talk just a little bit about what kind of help would have been good for you and made a difference in your early developmental years?

Alyssa Clark 

Yeah, I growing up was more of a shy child, a little bit anxious. And I feel like the help that I needed would have been more of that coaching of let's see what she has to say. Because I never felt heard or understood, or even had that feeling of people wanting to be around me, right? So, growing up having someone that was just interested in what I was feeling, my thoughts, what was going on in my world would have been really helpful. So, today, I love being able to do that with students, of hearing their stories, hearing about, you know, what they're struggling with, what their life looks like, and just seeing what's the next best step for them, right? So, we all have our different paths that we're on and finding out what makes people of just their lives a little bit better, right? Having a listening ear is one of the most important things that we can have in our lives. Someone that can just kind of guide us and be there and be a presence. So, when you're feeling alone, like I was when I was a child and a young person, even a young adult, having people that made you just not feel like that was really important.

Paul Meunier 

Yeah. Well, I think sometimes the best youth workers are the ones who would have benefited from having a youth worker in their life when they were younger. It certainly isn't a prerequisite. And we've had a lot of guests who just right away knew that they wanted to do this but didn't have that scenario. But being able to relate with young people and put yourself in their situation is really a valuable asset. Alyssa, can you talk a little bit about why maybe you felt like people didn't want you around or you felt so shy or kind of fearful when you were younger?

Alyssa Clark 

Yeah, I don't know what initiated that. I grew up just from the youngest age, and youngest memories I have, I was just a fearful, anxiety-ridden child. I grew up in a very, very big family. So, I'm number five out of six kids.

Paul Meunier 

Okay, yeah.

Alyssa Clark 

So, definitely there's probably some dynamics there with being so young and being one of the, you know, five of six, you're kind of in the shadows at that point. And I had big brothers that were spotlight, did all of the activities, were you know, the football players and all of that. So, I definitely just kept to myself, and I knew if I did that I wasn't going to get in trouble or I wasn't going to be, you know, picked on. I was just gonna be safe to myself. I never put myself in any risky situations, I guess is what I would think of it as. And because of that I was constantly fearful of just situations. Natural, everyday situations I look at now I'm like, oh, that's just living life, right? So, I have that a lot growing up just from the youngest age. And it took me until adulthood to figure out how to fix it, and how to work through it. And looking back now I can see there was a lot of mental illness in our family line. And there was a lot of struggles growing up in our family. And we were a big family, on the outside we looked amazing. We were the typical, you know, oh, they have they're married, they have all six children with the same parents. We looked like that picture-perfect family. And on the inside, there was a lot of ruptures happening, a lot of hurts and hang ups and just things going on in the background that was never portrayed to the outside world, right? So, I didn't quite understand that growing up on the fact that I thought we were just that family. Because that's what everyone told us we were, right? So, growing up, I just assumed that's what it looked like. And now I as an adult look back, and I'm like, oh, that wasn't healthy. That wasn't how it was supposed to be. My family did their best with what they were given and the tools that they had. But six kids, I have a sister that has Down syndrome. So, she needed extra help. And with all of that it just it took some tolls on the family. And I definitely felt safer just being in the background.

Paul Meunier 

So, you kind of lived with this need to be quiet need to be kind of out of the way. And you didn't really have anybody to talk to about this. How was that for you? Did it feel lonely? Did it feel scary? Or was it just kind of natural how it was supposed to be? Looking back, can you reflect on that?

Alyssa Clark 

Yeah, when I look back on it now, I was definitely scared. I knew that that wasn't right. There was a part of me that knew I shouldn't be feeling that way which made it worse, right? Because you're like, I shouldn't feel this way. But I do. And I grew up in a big family. So, it's weird to say you feel alone when there's six other, like there's five other siblings around. But you know, the age range is about 10 years between the oldest and the youngest. So, while some are graduating high school, some are just getting started, right? So, I definitely had a lot of times where I felt alone, or I didn't feel accepted by you know, that's back in the day where you're playing with kids in the neighborhood. And I just felt out of place a lot. So, I had one brother that I'm close with and still am. And he was that connection for me where we can talk about what was going on, and we could bond and we still have all of my siblings, we have great relationships to this day, thankfully. But growing up, I don't think they knew where I was at mentally. Because, you know, we're all young kids don't think about that. They're not thinking about the other person next to them. They're thinking about themselves. So, they didn't know quite the struggles that I had. And I don't think my parents recognized it either. They had their own struggles that they were dealing with raising six kids, having a daughter with Down syndrome, dealing with their own mental health. So, I think it was just I was quiet and easy.

Paul Meunier 

Yeah. Well, that is interesting. And thank you for sharing that. I'm wondering, as I look at you now and I think here you are teaching other life coaches. So, you're a life coach to life coaches, somebody who has to rise above all the things you were just talking about. What things early on, helped propel you into being more self-confident, maybe less fearful? I know, we talked a little bit about your religion and your faith. And can you just talk a little bit about what kind of got you past that? How did you get out of that?

Alyssa Clark 

Yes. So, one of the amazing things that my parents did was keep us in church. And I created relationships out of that. And my earliest connections and friendships stemmed from being at a youth group in high school. So, I learned a lot just by the people that were at church that were there for me. Again, I never revealed a lot of what happened on the inside of our home. You know, they probably had ideas and knew. I didn't think they did but adults know more than what we lead on to. And they were a safe place for me. So, I could go and have relationships with friends, go to youth camps. We would, you know, raise money to go there, help do car washes where we raise money to go do this week youth camp with friends. And because of that, a lot of times when you're in those roles, people look at you and they know, they sense like, oh, I would like to see them get further. Like, that's my goal. Now I want to help people get further along than they think they can. So, I definitely had people that pushed me out of my comfort zones. And they challenged me and believed in me more than I did myself. So, staying in youth group and being around those people, I honestly think saved my life.

Paul Meunier 

Wow.

Alyssa Clark 

It pushed me, it got me out of places that I would want to go. So, I look back and I, it's funny to say but I thank God for it. I thank God for those people that were volunteering their time to come and help. They weren't paid employees, they were volunteering just to help youth that were struggling and wanting to learn and grow in relationships and connections. And there's still a lot of those people I know to this day, and they still make those impacts. And a lot of those people are my friends. And people I look up to, to this day of they were people that affected my life.

Paul Meunier 

That's so great that you were able to find that through your church and support groups and youth groups because every young person needs to feel connected to their community in some sort of way bigger than just their immediate family. And when you said literally saved your life, I'm really glad that you were able to find that. Alyssa, thinking back now your childhood was kind of scary for you, little bit fearful, you kind of wanted to be not seen. What did that all teach you about yourself and what do you bring with those lessons now into your work?

Alyssa Clark 

You know, it put me on a growth pattern. So, I had to learn a lot to get out of that fear. And it's natural to know fear is a natural state, we need it. But it took me a long time, even into adulthood, to realize how to do that and how to push past those boundaries. But it taught me a lot of empathy for people that now I see these young people that are struggling, that have that fear. Most emotions are fear-based, right? Most negative emotions are based off of fear. So, I can relate to that. And part of me can relate to it in a way that I'm not gonna, you know, spill my guts and tell my story to them to try to fix it. It's more, I'm here to listen, and I'm here for whatever you need. It's okay to be afraid. Someone telling you it's okay to be afraid is a big thing. Because growing up, I did not know that. So, having someone there and realizing, Oh, these are the people that are saving people, right? These are the people that get to go and do the hard work. And you definitely have to have a passion for youth to stay in these kinds of programs because it's not easy work. And it's struggling because you're seeing people hurt. So, for me, I saw what I needed growing up, and I wanted that for other people. And I've continued to want that for other people. And that passion has just grown as I've gotten older. So, I did Youth Ministries for a while. And my husband and I work together and we worked with students and we still connect with them. They're all now starting to have families. And that's weird for us. But they're all getting older, and we see them and we're like, wow, these were students that were either struggling or they were just living their lives. And they allowed us to participate in it and we still get to see them. And we still, I love the age of social media to where they all live in different areas now, but we can see look at where they're at now. Look at what they're doing, despite all the things that we all go through growing up. So,

Paul Meunier 

Yeah.

Alyssa Clark 

 We love seeing that and we have a passion for it. And I took a break after a little while. I had children, did that whole stayed at home with my children for the first six years. So, I was blessed enough to be a stay-at-home mom for a while. And when I came back in the opportunity to work with Elevate was there and it was still getting started. It was you know, the grounds up kind of movement at that point. And I am so happy that I did something that was uncomfortable. Because coming off six years of you know, being with babies and toddlers and all of that and diving into working with youth again and coaching them and hearing their stories and what they want out of life. Or seeing them not want anything out of life. And even just getting them to the point to where they want more was really fun. It's a lot of work. But it was really encouraging to see that. And now almost five years later, it's just exploded and now I get to help new coaches come and do that same thing and multiply that and help more and more students. So, I definitely love seeing people move forward despite what's happening around them.

Paul Meunier 

Yeah, and I want to talk more about your coaching other coaches after the break. And but I got one more question to ask you before that so but we need to take a short break. So, we'll be right back after this.

Jade Schleif 

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Paul Meunier 

Alyssa, right before the break I had mentioned I had one more question I want to ask you before we start talking about your work as a coach and coaching other people. And that is this experience that you had as a young person where your parents weren't really tuned in to your needs, how are you as a parent in for the needs of your young people? Do you think you are super focused on that and try to do that very differently than your parents? Or do you find you kind of repeat the same pattern?

Alyssa Clark 

That's a fun question.

Paul Meunier 

I'm curious about that. Because we tend to repeat things. Yes.

Alyssa Clark 

Yes. So, it's natural, that's just you are raised are certain ways. So, you tend to want to go by how you're raised. And there are times where I've been like, oh, no, I'm, I'm falling into that rhythm. And you have to check yourself, right? And so, my husband and I grew up in very different families that had a lot of things go on in our lives to where we both know what we needed growing up and what we want our kids to have. So, we get to raise them in a way where they're getting things that we never got, which is so fun. And then we always have to think about not spoiling them too much. You want them to be functioning human beings. But I definitely see tendencies that I've fought back from and pushed away of I know, and I don't struggle with the same things that my parents did. I fought hard to push past a lot of those things, I don't allow certain things in my life to affect that as much. So, I'm fortunate enough to not have to carry a lot of the weights that my parents did with what they experienced growing up. And I'm able to not struggle with some of those same things that they struggled with. So, with that, I'm able to treat my kids differently. And I don't have six kids so I'm able to focus on my two children and get them what they need. But I see tendency in my own children that I used to have growing up. My youngest son has like this fear built into him like I did, and I see it and I talk to him about it. And because I recognize that as something I struggled with. It's funny, as a coach, you know, you don't just coach your people that you're with your coach your children, too. So, I'm able to ask him questions, I'm able to see what's making him think that way. It's been fascinating to see it on the other end, and be able to help him in those struggles and validate him, and it's okay to be afraid. Let's talk about that. So, he has been able to push past a lot of those fears. And it's still something he struggles with but that's something you work on. So, everyone has their own struggles. And then I have my overly-confident son that I have to try to rein down because he doesn't struggle with anything. He's got confidence. So, it's been fun to see yes, pushing back on some of the stuff that we were raised with as parents and raising our children with what we see their needs are going to need to be met, right? I don't know if that makes sense. But I want to see them grow in ways that I didn't, I wasn't able to grow. And there's a lot of resources now. There's so many resources that you know, they didn't have 30 years ago that we can look into and we can ask for help and we can recognize in our kid what their needs are.  Well, it's great that you're able to literally turn your life experiences into your work with both your family and with young people. And so you were a life coach and now you're a coach of coaches. That's probably the way I describe it, I don't know, maybe you don't. But what do you teach coaches? What do you instruct them on is the number one thing they need to do when they're working with young people? What's their ultimate goal? There's a few. But the one thing that I think we have to remind them a lot of is just be curious. Be curious about your students and what they're what they're going through. So, don't be close-minded to what their reality is. A lot of times if we don't understand, we just close it off. And so, it's always be curious about what's going on in their lives. And we always want to ask more, so don't let it just be that surface, right? Our favorite question here, coaching tip is the odd question, And what else? What else is there? So, always remaining curious asking them what else? And I do that with so many people, even my employees, even my kids, what else? What else is going on? Tell me more. So, I would say be curious, is the biggest thing a coach has to do.

Paul Meunier 

That's great. And they do have to take a sincere interest in young people, right? And really wonder what's going on with that young person and get to the heart of the matter. What do you think you bring to this field of coaching or youth work that is just something so uniquely Alyssa?

Alyssa Clark 

I try to remain authentic with what's going on. So, I would say I'm always looking for what's real, and not taking away what people might think isn't, right. So, what people are struggling with? What's going on in the world? What is the background story? There's always two sides to a story, right? So, what is real, and being flexible. So, because of the way I grew up, I've always been flexible. And because of the way I had to get out of fear so much, I had to learn how to be flexible, right? So, it's working with whatever I have. And if that's with one person next to me, or if that's on my own, I'm going to work with that. If that's with my children or my husband, it's just being flexible. So, I'm here for whatever the world has to offer at this point.

Paul Meunier 

Yeah.

Alyssa Clark 

And I'm always looking for that growth of what's the next thing that we can do to be helpful. So, I think that was Mr. Rogers, find the helpers, right?

Paul Meunier 

Yeah. Hey, well, there you go. We've come full circle. You're the helper and it was Mr. Rogers who taught you that.

Alyssa Clark 

Not to age myself, but yes.

Paul Meunier 

Yeah. Well, that's great. And I think that those are all valuable things that you bring clearly to youth work, and how important all those things are. And you now are coaching other people but you probably have had some people in your world that has given you advice and solid things to say. Can you think back like when you were starting out as a life coach and your very first introduction into youth work, can you think back of some really sound advice anybody ever gave you that you would like to share that you think have really helped you along?

Alyssa Clark 

Yeah, so I've had the pleasure of working alongside Jack Witt. And he's been a longtime mentor of mine. He knew me when I was young. He's been on this podcast. So, an amazing man. And he practices what he preaches, reality wise. So, he's really led the way of, you know, look for the bright spots is something he always talks about. So, what are those bright spots that you can find in people? There's always something that you can find. What is working, and go towards that, right? So, if it's not working, there's another way. And I've really utilized that in my life. I still think about that a lot, is where's the bright spot? What's going to help this work? So, I value that, and I've appreciated it, and I think about it whenever times get hard is, what's the end here? What's the bright spot? Where's the good? Because there's always gonna be good. I can look at the good in every part of my life. And it's because of the people that have actually focused on that. Because the world is crazy, that's just part of it. We live in a world of human beings and we're messy, right? So, it's looking for those bright spots and being present with them. So, I have the privilege of having a lot of wonderful people in my life that have helped me along that path of finding myself, finding my voice, encouraging me when I didn't think I could do it. So, Jack was one of those people that did that. My husband always cheerleading me on, I wouldn't be where I am without him. He always thought I was capable, more capable than I thought of myself. So, it's the people that believed in me. So, I don't know if it was necessarily even words, it was just the belief that I could do more. And that made me start actually doing more.

Paul Meunier 

Yeah. Having those support people, and those mentors, like Jack or your husband, really, are something essential that we all need, wouldn't you say?

Alyssa Clark 

Yeah, yeah. If you do not have that in your life, go find it.

Paul Meunier 

And here's the thing, right, we know, a lot of young people don't have that in their world. And you think about how hard that must be for them to navigate. And we forget that some of their behaviors might be difficult, they might be seen counterproductive, but probably inside them is kind of a scared person, probably like you were when you were younger, and they are displaying it differently.

Alyssa Clark 

Yeah, they had, like I said earlier, fear, it causes a lot. So, a lot of these young people have a massive amount of fear, they feel alone. So, what I felt growing up is not uncommon.

Paul Meunier 

No.

Alyssa Clark 

And I look at it now where you have so much at your hands of social media, you know, your phone, you can FaceTime someone immediately. There's always a point of connection. But it's gotten lost in translation. Because they're more connected than, we're more connected than we've ever been in the history of the world, right. But we're so far detached. And they're trying to navigate. And so many young people are doing a great job at this right now. They're reversing it, to where, you know, we have so many young people are like, I don't want that surfacy Instagram post, I want the reality.

Paul Meunier 

That's encouraging.

Alyssa Clark 

There are a lot of these young people that are working on wanting relationships that are, you know, physical and tangible, because they've seen people struggle with being the most connected we've ever been but also the most detached. So, there's a lot of hope out there for this generation that is seeking real relationships, real authentic connections, and they want it and they're not holding back, which I love. I love that these young people are just doing it. They're so brave. They've seen the past generations, and they want to push forward. And they're not afraid to do it. Or if they are afraid, they still just they go do it. Which is amazing. So, I look at them and yes, there's fear, yes, there's loneliness. But they're starting to figure out how to combat that, which is amazing. And there's a lot of support out there. There are a lot of people from the last few generations that see the need and they're filling it. And they're doing everything that they can to help this next generation come up and be able to live a fully authentic life, right? So, I love seeing that. I love that it's not just one organization, you've had so many people on this podcast that I've listened to that are all around the world, all different organizations, but all have that same hope of let's help these these kids. Let's help these students just grow and be better people.

Paul Meunier 

Yeah, it is encouraging. And there's just amazing people like you, Alyssa. There's amazing people everywhere, doing incredible things and turning their life experiences into something that is so good and so beautiful for this world. You don't have a lot of experience of telling your story and talking about it, especially on a podcast. How did your podcast experience go?

Alyssa Clark 

It went good! It's been revealing. Like you said, I'm more introverted. So, putting myself out there. I don't usually tell my story. So, it's been refreshing. And it's made me think a lot more and reflect on things that have happened in the past, but also be grateful for where I'm at now. Grateful for the people that are in my life, grateful for the growth. If anything, I would encourage people to understand that there's possibilities out there. And where we come from doesn't define our future. And I say that even for my parents, they grew. They had a lot of rough things happen and they're now these amazing people that had to learn how to get past hard things. And it took them a while but they did it and I look at the relationships they have now and they're healthy and they're bonded. And I look at my siblings and they've had to deal with the same thing. And I see that and other people outside of my family.  We are all just figuring it out as we go. And we're making the best that we can with it. And I'm so happy to see that no matter where we're at, we can push forward. So, wherever low you're at, there's still something else to be done. It's never too late.

Paul Meunier 

Well, I'm glad your experience was one, that's helpful because this self-reflection is so critical in this work because we are the best tool that we bring into the youth work and support of young people. It's ourselves, it's our experiences, it's our reactions, it's our intent, all those things. There's nothing more impactful than one person building a trusting relationship with that other person like you had with Jack and your husband and other people in your life, I'm sure. So, thank you for taking your life experiences and then turning them into a career which is just giving back and helping young people and helping them take that next generational step. So, we just keep getting better and better as a society. I'm so grateful that you were a guest on the podcast. And please say hi to Jack for me. I think of the people that he's touched in his life and it's just amazing. And it's wonderful that you also had the opportunity to meet him like I have. I feel the same way about him that you do. So, thanks for being a guest on the podcast.

Alyssa Clark 

Thank you. It's been wonderful.

Paul Meunier 

You mentioned you listen to the podcast, so you know what's coming next. Before we go, I like to give our guest the last word to close out their episode. What words of wisdom or inspiration would you like to leave Alyssa?

Alyssa Clark 

Failure is a natural. And the only time we truly fail is when we stop and we don't push forward. So, don't let fear stop you. Just keep pushing forward.

Paul Meunier 

If you would like to share your passion for youth work, we'd love to spotlight you as a guest. If you have feedback about the show, please let us know. Just visit training.yipa.org, that's training.yipa.org and click on the podcast tab. This podcast is made possible in part due to a generous contribution from M Health Fairview. I'm your host, Paul Meunier. Thanks for listening to The Passionate Youth Worker.