A.J. Rinaldi 

The things you love will inspire you. The things you hate will drive you. And for me, I love kids. I hate poverty. I detest gang violence. I despise teen suicide. I want to destroy drug and alcohol addiction, I dislike teen pregnancy, I'm disgusted by sexual abuse and I'm displeased and disappointed we don't have more fathers in homes. And those things drive me. They drive me. I want to I want to eradicate that for every kid if I can, knowing I'll never get there. But I want to eradicate that for every kid. I think if people have that same disdain for those negative things that are after our kids, I think it'll go a long way to helping them fulfill their purpose for kids.

Paul Meunier 

Hello, I'm Paul Meunier, the executive director of the Youth Intervention Programs Association. And I'm a youth worker at heart. How lucky am I? I have the privilege to meet youth workers from around the globe and learn their stories and share them with the entire world. I'm glad you're listening because together we'll learn how their life experiences shape their youth work. As you listen, I encourage you to consider how your experiences shape what you have to offer young people. Welcome to this edition of The Passionate Youth Worker. Hi, everybody. For this episode, we're joined by AJ Rinaldi from Pennsylvania in the United States. He's a residential administrator at the Milton Hershey School and independent certified coach, trainer, and speaker. AJ has over 18 years of service to our young people. And he does all of this with leading with his heart. AJ, thanks for being our guest on the show.

A.J. Rinaldi 

Good to be with you today, Paul. Thanks for having me.

Paul Meunier 

You bet. AJ, I am so eager to learn about you and your commitment and your service to young people so, let's dive right in. AJ, you grew up in South Florida and that seems to have played a big part in who you are today. Can you just briefly talk about what life was like for you as a young person in South Florida?

A.J. Rinaldi 

Oh, sure. So, for my first eight years of life, I'd say it was a pretty typical childhood. I grew up my first eight years of life in a two-parent home, very middle-class, hard-working parents, very loving and nurturing parents. And in 1992, Hurricane Andrew devastated South Florida. There was just different looting and different things going on economically. My father on that day, dropped us off to school, the same he did every morning and went down the street to the local pawn shop where he was a manager. Later that morning, a customer comes in and this customer ends up not being a customer at all because he pulls out a pistol and filled my father's polo shirt with six bullets. Life began to look dramatically different from that day forward for my siblings, and my mother. Went from middle-class to lower-class in what seemed like an instant. And just began to have a lot of challenges that are typically associated with children in that environment. Trouble in school, academically and behaviorally, at different times. And it was just an awful, tough time for our family as we kind of struggled to make ends meet.

Paul Meunier 

Well, I'm certainly sorry to hear about your father. That sounds like clearly a life-changing event, like you described it, in a heartbeat. Thinking back to that moment, what were your initial thoughts as a young person? Were you bitter? Were you sad? What was your initial response or was it just I'm gonna figure this out and deal with it? Or thinking back, what was that like?

A.J. Rinaldi 

Well Paul, I'd say that like most children in that situation, I had a hard time processing what happened. My mother who's just an incredible person, but during that time, as you might imagine, being a young widow, who just had a love of her life ripped from her. She just went through a bout of being depressed, being very sad, and the only thing that saved her was she clinged to her faith. But in the meantime, I'd say my brother and I, my brother who is a couple years older than me, we kind of had to grow up faster, had to be the men of the house. And during that time, while consoling her and trying to be the best sons we knew how to be, we failed to grieve properly, failed to grieve ourselves. We didn't want to let our mother see us sad because we knew what it would do to her. And many nights I'd walk down that dark hallway, I'd climb into that bed, pull the Ninja Turtle blanket over my head and I just cried myself to sleep. So yes, sadness eventually turned to anger, I'd say. Many days in school folks didn't know how, or maybe weren't skilled enough at that time, maybe there weren't enough systems in place to help kids during those things. But for a long time, I was really lost. I was a little broken boy in a big broken system, I'd say. And the Calvary never came, let's put it that way, until I got to high school.

Paul Meunier 

Well, it sounds like your mother did a wonderful job with you and your siblings just to keep everything going, which I imagine was awfully hard just to get out of bed some days. I'll ask you one more question about your father. I don't want to belabor this too much. But what kind of memories do you have of your dad? What was he like? And are you like him in any sort of way?

A.J. Rinaldi 

I am like him in some ways. My father, before his murder was a very giving man, he was a servant man, he sought to help people. He saw the good in people, he was a positive person. He was a very direct person. My fondest memories of him were actually every morning before he dropped us off to school. Every father has a spot I say. Some father's might be during the football, some father's might be at the barbecue grill or working on the car. Well, my dad's spot was that table in the kitchen and making waffles and getting his kids ready for school. And that table is where discipline was had, it was where humor was shared, meals were shared, laughter was shared. That was his spot. And he never made it back to that spot. You know, he never made it back to that table. But in many ways, it was a help for me because I knew what a loving, caring father was. I had at least felt that my first eight years of life. And in some ways it hurt me because I missed that so tremendously for years and years. But now as an adult, and as a youth worker myself, I want to make sure kids feel that, what that feels like. And when kids don't have that, I want to try to be that for them or connect them with somebody, or help somebody who can be that for them. And I was able to feel that again, at some point, in my later years of adolescence.

Paul Meunier 

Well, he sounds like a wonderful person. And it does sound a lot like you, to be honest with you. We don't know each other real well, AJ. But as we've been getting to know each other, it's clear that you're a loving and compassionate person. And you share that and wear that so apparently on your sleeve that I think your father would be absolutely proud of the person you've become and would be thrilled that you're trying to share that love and service to other people and to carry on his legacy like it sounds like he did. So, thank you for sharing that about your father. It's a tough story to hear. And it's even so hard, I can't even imagine, to live it. So, you've taken some of these characteristics and you bring them into your work. And when we were getting to know each other, you said you like to lead with your heart and your values. And that's interesting to hear somebody say that. And I'm just wondering, can you put that in your own words? What does that mean to lead with your heart and your own values?

A.J. Rinaldi 

Well, a lot of it is really guided by servant leadership. But I'd say that I know who I am. I think I'm guided by my values. I'm driven by my purpose in life. And I'm obsessed with the mission of helping kids. I try to have a huge, what I would say is a huge radius, a huge radius of care. And I think anybody who works with kids or working in a human being business, the higher or the larger their radius of care is they'll find a way to get it done. They'll find a way to impact people. They'll chase impact and not income. If you care enough, you'll find a way. That single mother, if she cares enough, she'll find a way to get her kids fed. If the husband cares enough, he'll find a way to buy flowers, just because it's Tuesday. If you care enough, you'll stay up all night working on that business. If youth workers care enough, they'll find a way to reach kids, to save kids.

Paul Meunier 

You certainly care enough, that's apparent. I've watched some of your talks and read some of your information. Do you think everybody's capable of that same level of care, AJ, or is that a personality trait that people either have or don't have? Is it possible for us to all be servants of youth like you're kind of describing?

A.J. Rinaldi 

Well, I think it's possible for everybody to develop the necessary skill set to work with kids and to be good with kids. The mindset is on each of us as individuals, and we arrive at our mindsets, our belief systems, our value systems based on our stories, right? So, each person has to remember their why and find their why for getting into this type of work. We know it wasn't because of money, nine times out of ten when you work in this business. So, for whatever reasons that a person decided to get in this business, they need to let their heart continue to be their fuel, and to drive them for what they do each day. Only each individual can answer that question.

Paul Meunier 

Well said. And I dream of a day, AJ, when youth workers carry that compassion to such a level that it involves sacrifice and a willingness to do just whatever needs to be done for the sake of our young people. I share that vision and perspective that you have. So, you were raised in Florida and now you're in Pennsylvania. How did you get from growing up in South Florida to now being at Milton Hershey School in Pennsylvania, what was the road to there like?

A.J. Rinaldi 

Well, it wasn't by design, or should I say it wasn't by my design. I think it was by design, just not mine. I worked in detention centers, worked with kids since I've been an adult myself. Did a lot of things in the detention system for really troubled kids, the most troubled kids you could imagine. And just kind of got burned out. There was just not, I wouldn't say there was a great deal of passion in those environments. And to be fair, those folks' passions waned because there wasn't a lot of there was a lot, there was a lot of pouring from your buckets but not a lot of filling up from your buckets. The system just wasn't designed to really help kids, our most vulnerable kids in our in our society. So, there are not a lot of resources either, Paul, and when there's not a lot of resources it can take people's resourcefulness away. Eventually, I got into being a house parent for group homes, group home for adjudicated kids, my wife, Shavanta, and I. We really loved what we were doing, Paul. We really loved impacting kids’ lives, seeing some change in kids. But once again, the organization it just wasn't gonna be in a position to sustain the model from a financial resources standpoint, we saw the writing on the wall with that. And that's the story for many organizations that do work with kids in nonprofits. We found out about the Milton Hershey School just by chance, just by looking for work with kids. We weren't old enough as a couple to apply. But after a couple years we were and so we applied. Wanted to make this a career impacting kids. Came to Milton Hershey School and began to be a house parent for elementary boys and it was the best thing ever. After about eight years of doing that and then the onset of the pandemic, I just wanted to use my other gifts and talents to try to reach more kids indirectly and reach more adults to do good work with kids. And that's what kind of led to me being in my current role here.

Paul Meunier 

I'm not really sure exactly what house parents are or how they work. Here in Minnesota, it's just something I don't hear of. Can you just briefly describe what house parents are and how that works? Is it different than foster parents?

A.J. Rinaldi 

It is different. House parents nationwide, I'll start there, house parent jobs nationwide for different organizations. And typically, these folks are married couples who live in a residential setting with children of need or boarding students. Milton Hershey School is the largest residential boarding school in the world. Its resources are great. At Milton Hershey School, a husband-and-wife couple they live in a residential setting with nine to twelve students. These students are in social and financial need, they come from poverty. And our house parents are a primary parental figure while they're here on campus. They still have parents and family members who care for them while they're not at Milton Hershey School, but that house parent couple provides a stable, loving, caring environment that should be also a learning environment for our students here.

Paul Meunier 

Great, thank you for sharing that. And I can see how that's like a perfect role for you to play and provide that kind of family support that is so important to young people and quite honestly, you missed half of that equation when you were growing up. I'm sure your mother was wonderful. But it's so sad that your father wasn't there. But you certainly have made the best of it, that's for sure. AJ, we have to take a short break. When we come back, I'd like to ask you some questions about some of the things you've learned along the way. So, we'll be right back.

Jade Schleif 

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Paul Meunier 

AJ, right before the break I was talking about some of the lessons that you may have learned. And one of the things I'm really curious about is what's something that surprised you that you've learned about yourself because you work with young people? Young people teach us so much if we're willing to listen and to be open to what they have to say. Is there anything surprising you've learned about yourself?

A.J. Rinaldi 

I will say that one of the most surprising things I learned about myself, it occurred maybe in the last seven or eight years. I think there's this kind of paradigm in the youth care business that we think that some people are anointed or good with kids and some people aren't. And there's less of a focus on the actual skill and craft of being good with kids. I would say that I had a moment of enlightenment where the same skills and characteristics that made me a high performer with kids in different places for years, are the same skills and characteristics that bring some success working with adults and just people in general. I think adults and children are not as different as the world would have us believe. Another thing I learned and perhaps the most powerful lesson in my adolescent, late adolescent or adult life was it just takes one person to make a difference. I told you, for years I felt all alone in a system. I didn't have those relationships and that guidance and that encouragement I needed. I was lost in a desert of trauma. And it felt like I was left to choke on the dust of my own heartache. And then I had a coach/math teacher come into my life in ninth grade. And for years I was lost in that desert but from that point forward, Paul, I was found. I was found. I wasn't alone. I wasn't alone, I wasn't left alone. And this person began to encourage me. They began to tell me about the gifts they saw in me. They began to hold me accountable in a caring way that kept me corrected, but kept me connected to them through that accountability. And that has been my lesson, that has been what I've been in pursuit of for nearly 20 years, is to be that one person. And now I'm in a space where I want to encourage other people to be that one person, to be that difference maker, because all it takes is one person who has a huge radius of care, and they can get it done for kids.

Paul Meunier 

So well said. Both of those things are wonderful lessons that you've learned. And I'm so glad you found that one person to be your inspiration to move ahead and develop and grow into the person that you were meant to be all along. And I also am just fascinated that you said young people and adults aren't that different. And I totally agree with that. And I've never even thought about that. Because the work we do, whether it's with a young person or an adult, it's about developing trust and a caring relationship with them, regardless of where they're at in their developmental stage. It's all the same. We just have to meet them where they're at. What do you think some of those characteristics of a good youth worker are, AJ? What do they have to bring to the table to be that one person to make that connection?

A.J. Rinaldi 

Well, two things. You talked about mind, you know, kind of what is it innate? What drives a person. I think we spend a lot of time talking about doing the things you love, pursuing the things you love, and not nearly enough time talking about fighting the things you despise. The things you love will inspire you. The things you hate will drive you. And for me, I love kids. I hate poverty. I detest gang violence. I despise teen suicide. I want to destroy drug and alcohol addiction. I dislike teen pregnancy. I'm disgusted by sexual abuse and I'm displeased and disappointed we don't have more fathers in homes. And those things drive me, they drive me. I want to eradicate that for every kid if I can, knowing I'll never get there. But I want to eradicate that for every kid. I think if people have that same disdain for those negative things that are after our kids, I think it'll go a long way to helping them fulfill their purpose for kids.

Paul Meunier 

So well said. I think that we all like to get good at what we like to do. Getting good at what's hard, or what we don't like as the way you describe it is really the secret, I think, to driving impact. And I share all those dislikes and dissatisfactions you have. And if we could focus more on breaking down some of those problems, and breaking down the barriers that make it so it's easy for young people to fall into those traps, the world would be such a different place. And having those skills and that desire to get good at what you don't really like to do is, I think, such an important thing. So, thank you for sharing that. What do you think, AJ, the most difficult part of being a youth worker is?

A.J. Rinaldi 

I think it's a very difficult and demanding work. But it's also very rewarding work. I think that the most difficult part is human beings, by and large, we innately look inward. And if you work in a human being business whether that's with kids, or you're a leader who serves people, or leads people who work with kids, you gotta be so selfless. You got to be a servant, you got to be looking to serve, you got to take yourself out of the equation, and look to be a servant leader. And leadership is not about title. It's not about authority. It's not about position or rank. It's a behavior. It's a decision, it's consistent actions. A verb is what leader leadership is. And so, I think people gotta be willing to serve. We have a lot of leaders in our world and good leaders are visionaries, good leaders have big ideas, big plans, there's no job too big. The best leaders think there's no job too small. How can I help? How can I help? How can I serve? To me, the greatest leader in documented history, I read in a book, it's a bestseller, that he washed the feet of his followers. And so, if service to kids, if service to your staff, if service is beneath you, leadership is beyond you, and you're in the wrong business to be doing this kind of work.

Paul Meunier 

I coined the phrase and introduced it to our membership not too long ago about a servant youth worker. And the concept is that we have to be willing to make some sacrifices and let the needs of young people become our needs if we're really going to be effective with them. And so, I share that whole idea with you about what it is that makes really good youth work. And I believe that that is the future of any human services work is to, I think, be self-reflective and understand why you do what you do, and say what you say. But the other thing is you have to be willing to live with some discomfort and do some things that need to be done for the sake of getting them done. Because that's your purpose, is to help young people. And I share that with you. I could talk to you forever, AJ. What do you know, I got just a few more questions but what do you know now about youth work that you wish you would have known when you first started out as a house parent or probably even before that when you were first starting out working with young people in the gang situation? What do you know now that you wish you would have known then?

A.J. Rinaldi 

Well, I learned that money isn't everything but money is important. Money has a place, resources have a place when you're talking about moving the needle for large groups of kids, for large groups of kids. But when it comes to the kid, that one kid that we all can touch, we all can reach out, it's not the resources, it's your resourcefulness. It's the things you can't measure. It's the person with that huge radius of care and what they're doing, willing to do, to meet that kid where they are. And I think that's the single biggest difference. I think that's the thing that I that I've learned. And I've learned that the work is never-ending. You have to work towards the goal that you're gonna stop those things from happening to kids, you're gonna make a difference. But the work will always be here. So, you got to have a big reservoir of care, because at different times, the work will drive you to be frustrated, actual work will drain you. And so, you have to find things that continue to fulfill you and fill your bucket up. And when you're around good people, good-hearted people who have the same mission and same vision, you get energy from the other adults around you. So, we need as many of those adults in this work as we can.

Paul Meunier 

Agree. AJ, how do you define success in your work? What parameters would you wrap around success?

A.J. Rinaldi 

For me, Paul, success is never crossing the finish line. Success is progress. Success is pursuit, pursuit, constant pursuit, relentless pursuit towards a worthy vision, a worthy vision. Martin Luther King was successful because of his pursuit towards his dream. Milton Hershey of the Milton Hershey School was successful because of his pursuit towards his vision. You don't have to be there at the end to achieve it. But it's the relentless pursuit towards that qualifies as success, in my opinion.

Paul Meunier 

That's cool. So, you don't see it as like, this person graduated from high school, this person has a better relationship with their mother, whatever those parameters are, you see your success as your ability to just be persistent and resilient, and have grit and just keep going. And doing the best you can all the time learning and growing, and just never seeing the end, always continuously get better.

A.J. Rinaldi 

Well, being fulfilled. Being fulfilled personally and adding value to the lives of people around you. Fulfilled, not so in other words, not just pursuit of your own fulfillment but are you fulfilling and adding value to the lives of the people who you spend the most time with, the people you care most about. That's success to me. So, each person can choose to be successful each day. And the goal is to rack up as many successful days as you can, before they close your casket. I think that's the point of what we're doing here.

Paul Meunier 

Well said. I'd like to come full circle as we get towards the end here. You started off talking about a tragic event in your life that forever propelled you in a different direction. How do you think that affects you today in your youth work? What lesson, what big thing did you carry forward from all of that tragedy that you endured and the trauma you must have gone through?

A.J. Rinaldi 

Oh, you don't have to let the things that happen in your life change your entire life for the worse, they can change your life for the better. I had no control of being a victim that day. I had all the control in deciding to be a victim never again. That person didn't just rob some jewelry that day, they robbed me of my protector, robbed me of my provider. They robbed me of my male affirmation. They robbed me of my positive example. They robbed my brother of his shaving lessons. They robbed my sister of the man that should have walked her down the aisle. They robbed my mother of the love of her life. Years later they robbed my kids of a caring grandfather. But that adversity has become my advantage in what I do each day, and those things didn't define me. It designed me to go out and be a difference maker for other people and other kids. So...

Paul Meunier 

We all have unique life experiences. And our challenge, I believe, as human beings and good youth workers, is to examine our life events, the people we've seen, the situations we've encountered, and what does that mean to us? And how do we bring the best of those things into our work with young people? Because if we're not bringing our authentic selves and an understanding of our life to the point that we're at at this moment, then somehow we're going to fall just a little bit short of helping the young people become who, I like to say, they ought to be. AJ, it's been absolutely wonderful getting to know you. You've done such an incredible job of describing what it takes to be a good youth worker. And I know you share that with other people. And you're out spreading the word, and teaching, and helping others understand that and I am so personally grateful for the work that you do and the professionalism, the dedication, and the servant mentality that you bring to this work. It certainly is an inspiration. And I can tell you have a strong passion for youth work. So, thank you for what you do. And thank you for being a guest on the show.

A.J. Rinaldi 

Oh, thank you, Paul. So happy I could join you today.

Paul Meunier 

Yeah. AJ, before we go, I always like to leave the guests with one last question to let them close out the show. What words of wisdom or inspiration would you like to leave with our listeners?

A.J. Rinaldi 

I want to encourage them. I believe in today's world it's harder to teach kids, raise kids, and harder to be a kid yourself. I think that good parents, good teachers, good coaches, good values have lost home field advantage. Those of us that have remained in this business we are the visiting team at this point. People used to say that they will move to the suburbs in order to raise good kids. But what's after our kids now, it follows them home from school. It's so small it can climb into their pocket. It can come in high speed and high definition. We can't afford any longer to just play defense with our youth. We have to outscore the opposition because the world has audaciously come after our children and we need to be just as audacious in how we choose to defend them. The people who are still in this business, they deserve to be applauded. There's many people who left this business, you're not going to get rich in this business. People have left his business for many reasons and the pandemic being one of the bigger ones. But if you have stayed in this business, I encourage you to become more, to do more, be more committed and work like you're trying to win a Nobel Peace Prize for the students that you serve, or the children that you serve. To hone your craft, sharpen your skill, and prepare yourself for what is very difficult and demanding work but very rewarding work. Be a difference maker. Change the statistics for kids. Difference makers are good at math. They can add and they add value to the lives of others. They subtract and negate the negative outcome for kids. They divide and they separate themselves from being just another adult. And in the process, they multiply. They duplicate, replicate, and create other difference makers for the world.

Paul Meunier 

If you would like to share your passion for youth work, we'd love to spotlight you as a guest. If you have feedback about the show, please let us know. Just visit training.yipa.org. That's training.yipa.org and click on the podcast tab. This podcast is made possible in part due to a generous contribution from M Health Fairview. I'm your host Paul Meunier. Thanks for listening to The Passionate Youth Worker.