Benedetto Zanca 

When I see them waking up, when I see them saying, Aha, this is it. Because most of the time when I find them, they're questioning their past and potential. They feel trapped by self-doubt, and longing for direction and purpose. So, when I see them getting there and they say, Yeah. That's the joy.

Paul Meunier 

Hello, I'm Paul Meunier, the executive director of the Youth Intervention Programs Association. And I'm a youth worker at heart. How lucky am I, I have the privilege to meet youth workers from around the globe and learn their stories and share them with the entire world. I'm glad you're listening because together we'll learn how their life experiences shape their youth work. As you listen, I encourage you to consider how your experiences shape what you have to offer young people. Welcome to this edition of The Passionate Youth Worker. Hi, everybody, welcome to another episode of The Passionate Youth Worker podcast. Today's conversation promises to be a source of inspiration and insight as we delve into the life journey of Benedetto Zanca from Maryland here in the United States. Ben is a beacon of guidance for young people and fellow youth workers alike. Armed with the law degree that he earned in England, he chose a path driven by passion over self-interest, dedicating himself to empowering others to become the best versions of themselves, as a life coach. In this episode, Ben will share how his own life experiences serve as the driving force behind his selfless commitment to others. His choice to embrace a path of service reflects a deep-seated desire to make a meaningful impact. Join us as we uncover the layers of Ben's story, a life marked by humility, faith, and an unwavering joy derived from helping. Together, let's dive into his story and discover the types of lessons he has to share. So, let's meet him. Ben, thanks for being a guest on the podcast.

Benedetto Zanca 

Thank you for having me, Paul.

Paul Meunier 

You're very welcome. I'd like to go to the very beginning. And as we were getting to know each other, one of the first things you said is that you were raised by your mother alone and your father wasn't really in your life. Can you talk about what kind of impact that had on you?

Benedetto Zanca 

Yes, growing up I was without a dad. I didn't know it had an impact until I became a youth. But seeing other kids, I saw how much I missed. And I didn't even know I had that anger, even though I didn't express it so much. But when I became a youth, I saw that I had that anger. And I didn't understand why until later on when I studied psychology. It's just absence of father, by itself. So, I had that hurt, pain, you know, anger. And it did impact me even though my mom did everything she could to provide for me, it's just the absence of father. There were so many things that I missed in life because I didn't know a father.

Paul Meunier 

Yeah. Would you be willing to share, like, why did your dad leave? Do you understand his intent and what he was trying to do when he wasn't there to help raise you like your mother did?

Benedetto Zanca 

I met my dad only like five times in my life. And he never really shared. You know, the only thing he mentioned was blaming this and that. So, it was never tangible answers. You know, there was no substance to it. So, let's just say he didn't get along with my mom and her mom and that's it. But it was never real for me. Now, every time I analyzed, tried to figure out, you know, it just didn't make sense. But, you know, he probably didn't want to tell me. And the same thing with mom. I never really asked her because I saw how much pain she had raising me without husband, by herself. So, I didn't really want to ask her because I feel still until this day, I feel like I would cause her more pain if I asked her, to you know, to go back revisit that time of her life. So, I still couldn't figure it out.

Paul Meunier 

Wow, you're still being very selfless about that whole thing. You don't want to provide anybody discomfort. Are you still harboring that anger or have you learned to come to terms with it and being able to kind of move on?

Benedetto Zanca 

I actually moved on. Even though that void, that pain, that hurt is still there. But there was a verse from the Bible that says honor your mother and father. And then when I understood it, it just hit me. It said regardless, regardless, it doesn't say because he was a good person, because he did this for you, he did that for you. No, it's not, it's just because he's just my father. But by the time I understood that, he was already dead. So, I couldn't even, you know, say anything or reconcile with him in a way that could have brought healing for both of us. But without him, even though still, you know, I didn't reconcile it, I don't hold anything towards him. I had to, you know, forgive myself, or ask for forgiveness for holding those things against him. And then I had to move on.

Paul Meunier 

Well, I'm sorry to hear about your father that he passed away, and you never had that chance. But it sounds like, based on everything I know about you, you have turned that into some sort of passion to helping other people. But let's talk about your mom. Your mom sounds like a fabulous person, she obviously raised you with the right values and the right morals. Let the audience know about your mom a little bit.

Benedetto Zanca 

My mom was a very dedicated person, in every aspect of her life. And integrity meant a lot for her. So, she was the person who showed me the values in life with her action. She didn't say much. So, if she wants to discipline, I would know. That's the only time that she - (laughing)

Paul Meunier 

She didn't hide that part!

Benedetto Zanca 

Yeah, she would talk to me. But other than that, the values she instilled in me, you know, caring for others, you know, loving others, and being authentic, right? Regardless, what you go through in life it's still you. You know, she showed me in her actions. So, she was that anchor in my life. I didn't even know, I thought all women, for instance, all moms were like that. I didn't know because she covered both sides for me. You know, and I did feel that she did everything. And she gave me that strength whatever challenges I went through. For instance, after I left, I was a teenager when, you know, I left home and it gave me the strength. I saw her all the time, regardless, whatever was thrown at her she would still bounce back and move on. She never looked back. And she never said this happened to me. Why did this happen to me? Why am I still here? She is just moving on. So, whatever happened to me, whatever challenges I encountered, even as a youth I always remember that and then just move on. You know, I just could see her bouncing back and moving on. So, it did help me a lot that she instilled those values in me.

Paul Meunier 

She sounds like a remarkable person that is super strong, and really grounded in her values and her morals because she raised a son that is doing wonderful things for young people and youth workers alike. Is your mother still with us? Do you get to see her much and do you share those insights with her?

Benedetto Zanca 

I speak with her often, but she's not here in the US. But I speak with her often. And I tell her what I do. And she can hear that. She's surprised, she still can't believe that I'm where I am now because of what you know, where I came from. It's just for her it's just, she doesn't have words. Most of the time, it's just I could hear it. It's just every time I tell her what I did, or what I'm doing is just for her. It's just she doesn't have any words. She still can't believe it. But I think she's grateful. She's happy that what I'm doing for other people. The one thing about her, there was another person, a distant relative who grew up in our house after I left. She took him there, raised him, and he became a very successful person. And she never discussed, she never told anyone about him. And one day when she was somewhere he came to her, say hi. He said "mom" to her. And everybody was like, wow, you know this person? And she said she didn't understand why people were saying that. They were taking pictures of her with him and yeah, he told her that yeah, he became this person. She was shocked. But that's the kind of person she is. And she did a lot for other people and she doesn't even talk about it.

Paul Meunier 

Yeah, it sounds like that has rubbed off on you as well. You grew up in Ethiopia. Can you in a nutshell kind of describe what your childhood was like there? And then when did you move away from Ethiopia? I think it's amazing how if we look at life, and consider the things we were given, often we can really count all the blessings we had in front of us. It's easy to forget that and judge us and compare ourselves to other people. But when we ground ourselves into really what our life was, like, it sounds like, we can come to terms with it and realize that it was pretty good. And I've got to believe you just were raised by the entire village and everybody around you just supported you and cared for you and looked out for you. And your mother was just that central figure. She sounds like an incredible person. So, when you were an adolescent, it sounds like or when you were older, you moved away. Where did you go and why did you leave this sounds like nice place.

Benedetto Zanca 

As a child when I remember now, it was very spontaneous. I really loved it. There were so many things that I didn't have but I didn't think I didn't have those things because I was so happy with nothing. We had life you know, with so many good friends, people with good values and with very loving people. They never said anything about me not having a father or being this person. And I was always embraced as one of their own. So, that's the memory I have, until, you know, I left home. And you know, when I was a teenager, then I saw the difference. But growing up there, even though there was that poverty, right, I always say to people, yeah, I was born in the poorest country in the world and from that part is still it was the poorest part of that country. But it's just what I remember about is completely different. I think she managed to give me the best she could. So, there was that challenge. But it was also, mentally for me and emotionally, was really healthy. First, I moved to Italy. The reason why I moved is I didn't want to move from the people who were very close to me, they were like my family, right, brother and sisters. They got a diversity lottery, right, the DV and moved out here in the US. So, I was like by myself. I thought they were my, you know, especially the brother who was like my twin and I didn't have after they left. I was like there is nothing to do for me. It's just something, you know, has been taken away from me. So, I wanted to do everything I could to be with them again. So, first I went to Italy. I lived there for a while. I didn't really like it. It wasn't the same as having them you know, it just it was different. That's where I had my relative. So, I came back here and I reunited with them here in the US. That was good. And I was so happy at that time. But it didn't work out as we planned. It was different. I didn't know how you know, because I didn't have a family, right. So, I had to go back to Europe because here, it's just I couldn't continue the education I wanted. So, I went back to Italy. And then I went to London. That's where I lived most of my life and got my education there.

Paul Meunier 

Yeah. And it's an impressive portfolio of degrees you have, and you took that and decided to give it back to other people which sounds like a lot like what your mother would do and the values that she instilled in you. Believe it or not, we have to take a short break. When we come back, I want to talk a little bit about your humility, faith, and the joy that you get from helping people. So, we'll be right back.

Jade Schleif 

No matter how you support our young people, The Professional Youth Worker, powered by YIPA, has your training and learning needs covered. Visit training.yipa.org, that's training.yipa.org to see for yourself and then join the 1000s of youth workers around the globe who learn from our easy to access exceptional trainings. From our blogs to our podcast, The Professional Youth Worker is your go-to resource for tools to help you keep going, keep learning, and keep growing. Members enjoy free unlimited access to Live Online and On-Demand trainings, and a preferred discount pricing for our one-of-a-kind certificate course. Annual memberships are ridiculously affordable for individuals and organizations. Visit training.yipa.org today to learn more. That's training.yipa.org.

Paul Meunier 

Ben, right before the break, I was talking about your humility and faith in what you get out of helping people. I could see where your humility comes from. It sounds like it comes directly from your mother. And I am amazed that when we get to know our podcast guests, one of the questions I always ask people is what adjectives do other people use to describe you? And you were the first guest and we're approaching 100 guests now, you were the first one that said I don't know how people think about me. It's I don't think about it that way. This is not about me. Can you talk a little bit about what it's like to just always be thinking of other people and not really focused on yourself?

Benedetto Zanca 

I think it's this. I get so much joy thinking about others and how I can better their lives, you know. Whether it's just by being there listening to them, or coaching, training them so they can find who they are, their strengths, their passion, moving on with their life. I think that's the best joy that I get out of it. It's just there is nothing compared to this, just having them succeed in life. I think it's because my mom worked at nonprofits all her life and that's what they did.

Paul Meunier 

How does that humility come into play in your work now as you coach young people and youth workers in their craft, how does your humility play into that? Yeah, it seems like humility and the ability to be there for them and be present in the moment is what's so critical. And you must make people feel like they're the only one that matters at the moment that you're talking to them. Has anybody ever said that to you is like you feel like you just dump everything you have into me? Do you ever get that response?

Benedetto Zanca 

What matters to them is that I'm really connecting at their level, being there. That's what I realized. This is my degree, my you know, all those things, it just doesn’t mean anything for them. What matters is that I relate to them. And that's the only way I can relate to them. I can hear them, you know. I can say to them, yes, I understand. That's how I can be authentic, and share my own story too. Share my own past struggles. Even at my age now, you know, most of the time, they don't think grown-ups have challenges in life. So, I can share that with them. But if I can't be, it will be difficult and youth would know, they sense that, they know. So, the only way I can have impact in their life is that way, that's the one. A couple of times, and they wonder why I'm spending so much time I'm giving them and they find it. It's just unbelievable, because nobody does that for them. But that's the best part about doing what I do. I still find time for me and for my family. But at the same time whenever I find that person, because that's the only time. I don't think I'll ever have a second chance.

Paul Meunier 

Wonderful way to approach it. And you do get so much joy from having that moment with somebody when do you feel like you're connected and you're able to allow yourself to focus on what that person is saying to you at that moment. Is that where the joy comes from, that bond or that moment or that time that you have together? Is that where you get all the joy from? Or is it more from watching them progress or what is the source of that joy that you get?

Benedetto Zanca 

When I see them waking up. When I see them saying, Aha, this is it. Because most of the time, when I find them, they're questioning their past and potential. They feel trapped by self-doubt, and longing for direction and purpose. So, when I see them getting there, and they say, Yeah. That's the joy.

Paul Meunier 

I share that with you. And there's no, from my perspective, there's no better feeling than knowing you're helping somebody else. And so, I get that. And I think that that's common to youth workers. Would you say that you see that in other people you work with that do similar kinds of work?

Benedetto Zanca 

Yes, especially those who have really dedicated themselves to this work. Yeah, I've seen it.

Paul Meunier 

Yeah. And if you do dedicate yourself and really put yourself out as that servant to other people, then it seems to just present itself all the time. And it just, it's like an adrenaline rush to have that moment. I also know you're a person of strong faith. Can you talk about your faith and how that comes into how you have decided to live that selfless story that is more about helping others than it is self-serving your own needs?

Benedetto Zanca 

Yeah, it's about love. And one of the verse that we always use is Love thy neighbor as you love yourself.

Paul Meunier 

Yes.

Benedetto Zanca 

So, I look at myself and say, I was born in the poorest country in the world, in the poorest place, and I didn't even have a dad, I didn't have all those things people consider normal, right? I didn't have those kinds of things, but still if I made it here, I'm still better than where I was. That's how I came through it and they can come too.

Paul Meunier 

How much of that is rooted in your faith and how much of that is just a servant mentality? Or can't you separate the two?

Benedetto Zanca 

For me, it's impossible to separate because every aspect of my life, there is another verse that says, Whosoever wants to be great among you let him serve. So, what I'm given, it's not just for me to keep. All those things I'm given, I have to share. I have to give.

Paul Meunier 

Do you feel a sense of disappointment when young people or youth workers that you're coaching are struggling? Do you also feel the downside of that? We talked about the joy, but do you also feel the struggle and the pain or are you able to separate that out?

Benedetto Zanca 

I've learned to separate it but at first I used to be very disappointed but I understand their side too. It's not that easy to be a youth worker. It can be overwhelming sometimes, you know. It's very demanding. Not everybody can do it.

Paul Meunier 

How do you separate it Ben, what do you do?

Benedetto Zanca 

That is an opportunity. Now I started to train youth workers too. So, it's an opportunity to make them look into themselves, right? I always say to them, remember, you might hurt too, there is self-care. Don't wait until you, you know, you are overwhelmed, to the point where you say, you know, I hate my job. Or you just do it to, you know, to get paid. So, I go through the same process. So, start with self.

Paul Meunier 

These lessons that you've learned throughout your life, the things that your mother has taught you, moving around your community, all those kinds of things. What do you think that the biggest lesson of your childhood and upbringing was that you learned, that you bring into your work now? What is that gift that you got that you now try to give to other people?

Benedetto Zanca 

Selflessness and adaptability, you gotta adapt. Life is always changing. People are always changing, growing. And so I have to adapt.

Paul Meunier 

Selflessness is there and you talked about love earlier. And I think it's great that you mention love. I think we don't talk about that enough. I think it's very acceptable to say that we can love the young people we're working with. And I don't mean that in a cross the boundaries kind of way, but love them for the human being that they are, the humanity in them, and to feel their joy and to feel their sadness is part of this. And do you use the word love with the people that you work with? Do you talk about that or do you try to keep separation of that language away from your work?

Benedetto Zanca 

I don't really use that word. But it's just the service that we provide itself, right? The actions, the service, they express love. But like you said, and how is the manner right, there is boundaries, because there are different kinds of loves. But through our actions, through what we do, we show that.

Paul Meunier 

It's clear that you show that and you're so grounded, and so calm, and you seem so centered. That has come through from the very first second I met you. That calmness must be a big asset that you bring. Would you say that that is one of the things that helps you connect with people or what is it about you that people develop trust in you?

Benedetto Zanca 

You're right, it's just I had to accept who I am first. Those people who self-accept, right, they accept themselves, the situation where they're at. It's easy to connect to the others, they can relate to them because they understand. But if I don't accept me, who I am, my surroundings from where I live, it's gonna be very difficult to connect with other people. So, that's where the authenticity comes from, right? Especially youth. They sense that. When I'm authentic, then they can easily connect with me. It's not how intelligent I am. It's not how educated I am. For them, it's just being real, they easily connect with that.

Paul Meunier 

What kinds of things keep you up at night when it comes to your service to other people and your willingness to help? What kind of things do you worry about that make it hard for you to relax and get some good night's sleep?

Benedetto Zanca 

How the next generation is going to be because I'm raising kids too. And they're going to be part of that. You know, we can easily say for instance, you know, it's not gonna affect me, it's not gonna affect me, right. But we live in a society, the majority actually, whether it is positive or negative, it's about the majority. So, if the majority have been affected, especially in the next generation, it's going to affect everybody. So, that really worries me. When I studied how America was founded, and all those previous generations what kind of life they had, the values they had, and that worries me. Are we going back to there or even better than it was before or are we going to lose all that?

Paul Meunier 

I share that and right now it feels like we're up in the air about where we're going to go. And that it does add a level of anxiety into our culture, into our everyday interactions with other people. And I think we all feel that and especially our young people are feeling that. I have one more question to ask you before we move on and wrap this up. We started with you grew up without a father. And now you are a dad yourself. Talk about that a little bit. How are you approaching that?

Benedetto Zanca 

That it's a very delicate one. It's because I never told, you know, I was going to get married and have a kid, right, to have kids. But you know, when you fall in love, you can't predict anything. So, when that happens, it's just I had to research, I had to find out, I had to learn from other people. When I learned from other people, even those people who made mistakes, you know, I learned from that mistake. So, that's how I approach it. So, I'm very cautious. And then the moment especially my firstborn, my son, when he start to get to that age, when he was six, seven, I started having that conversation with him. You know, I started to give him a warning. Now listen, I didn't have a dad. So, don't expect me to be perfect. You know you might see other kids with a dad who had, you know, dads, and they understand. But me, I'm just still experimenting, I'm trying to figure it out. And now he's getting it, he's getting it. So, I always tell them, I always try to learn from others, from you know, read books then try to do my best. So, it's a very delicate one. I don't want to be saying, you know, I'm a dad in that sense. But I'm always learning.

Paul Meunier 

I bet you're going to be a wonderful father. Well, I bet you already are. But I bet you as they continue to grow up, you're going to instill in them really important lessons, lessons about humility, lessons about service, and lessons about finding joy in your life and understanding what your purpose is. And you are going to fill that gap that you never had. And it's going to be I bet you just a wonderful feeling. Someday you're just going to reach a point and you're gonna go, I did a good job with my kids. And I bet you that day is going to come faster than you might imagine, at least I would expect. It's been wonderful getting to know you. And I am so grateful that you agreed to be a guest on the podcast, even though you originally said you might not want to because you don't like to talk about yourself. But I'm glad you did because your story is going to resonate with some people just like everybody's story does, it just hits some people differently. And I'm so glad that you are doing the work you do to help youth workers find their inner strength and their purpose. And to also do that with young people too. Your ability to bring coaching down to the level of young people is truly a unique way of doing this. And I'm grateful that you are pouring your heart and soul and you're giving it all the love that you have to make it work. So, thank you for that. And thank you for being a guest on The Passionate Youth Worker podcast.

Benedetto Zanca 

Thank you for having me, Paul. I appreciate that.

Paul Meunier 

Ben, you know before we go I like to leave the guests with the last word. So, what words of wisdom or inspiration would you like to leave with the listeners of this podcast?

Benedetto Zanca 

Authenticity matters. Be genuine and authentic in your interactions because youth can often sense when someone is not being authentic. So, aim to be true to yourself.

Paul Meunier 

If you would like to share your passion for youth work, we'd love to spotlight you as a guest. If you have feedback about the show, please let us know. Just visit training.yipa.org, that's training.yipa.org and click on the podcast tab. This podcast is made possible in part due to a generous contribution from M Health Fairview. I'm your host, Paul Meunier. Thanks for listening to The Passionate Youth Worker.